Writing Destiny
by Michiko-Sakura
Summary: Van Fanel, a highly successful writer with a cold heart. Hitomi comes along and disrupts his perfect life. But somehow, he feels drawn to his always smiling editor
1. Ace of Wands

**A/N: I don't own any of the characters of Vision of Escaflowne. As much as I would want to, I really don't so I'm not saying that I own them.**

**Anyway, this story is really just a fling…I trial thing…something I really don't know if I should even continue. I just wanted to get the idea down since it would be a waste not to. I have been tossing around the idea inside my head for quite some time now. So to spare my sanity, I decided to write it. I hope that you guys somehow like it so I will be able to think if I would be continuing it or not.**

**Michiko**

Chapter 1 Ace of Wands

Alright this is it! Today is my first day at my new job. It's a little scary but I'm sure I will be able to manage. Yukari will be there too. I'm thankful for that, plus, she was also the one who helped me get this job. I badly need this job! She knows why. I can see tears well up in her eyes by the mere thought of the real reason but I always tell her that's it's no big deal. Well, that's Yukari for you…my very best friend.

Anyway, it's only a part time thing. I still have school to attend to. I'm in my last year of college. Oh I'm taking up nursing by the way. Oh well, anyway, enough about that. I'm supposed to be the editor of Van Fanel. Yeah. You heard right, Van Fanel. Van Slanzar de Fanel is supposed to be my responsibility, my writer. I'm going to be his editor. I don't know why a rookie, a part-time worker like me would be assigned to such a popular, high-status writer like him, and only him for that matter.

Yukari wouldn't explain it to me. She just keeps on telling me that I would understand…somehow. I'm a little bit skeptical with her 'somehow' statement. Nevertheless, it is a challenge I suppose…if you look at it that way. I don't mind. I really don't mind. Let me tell you my reaction when I found out that he was supposed to be my charge.

Yukari said when she came over one afternoon, "Hey Hitomi. Just came from the office and well I thought I'd be nice enough to tell you that you're papers are fixed. You start on Monday."

I smiled at her, truly grateful for everything that she had done for me. I wouldn't be able to get this job if she didn't help me. Don't ask me how she managed that because I don't know. Honestly, I don't want to know. Anyway, I answered, "Thanks, Yukari."

Looking at her, I somehow felt that she was uneasy…like there was something else that she wanted to say. At first, I was waiting for her patiently. But when she didn't say anything, I said, "Ok, I know that look. What is it, Yukari?" I was almost afraid to ask. The thought that was running through my mind at that moment was, "Let this not be a dream." I was thinking that I would lose the job that I hadn't even started in yet.

She was really apprehensive. She sat in front at the counter in front of me. I was preparing dinner. "You know Van Fanel?" She asked.

"Yeah. He's one of the top writers in the country right now. Why?" I answered, confused as to why she brought it up. It never occurred to me what else she could mean.

Alright before I go any further, let me explain one thing or rather person – Van Fanel. He is definitely one of the top writers in the country. That's a fact, mind you. But in the eyes of the public a.k.a. other people's eyes, he is more than that. He's more like the top, sought after bachelor in all of Japan. With his good looks, talent, personality, (as they say) every girl in the country dreams of being his girl friend.

I will admit he does look good on TV or the papers and I've read a couple of his works. His talent speaks for itself. But I'm not like that. I don't go around and start having crushes on guys on TV. I can go as far as to say that I admire him for his talent and his natural, God-given gifts but I will go no more. I don't want to go with the status quo or so to speak. I do wish that I could write like him though, you know, have that way with words that could impact other people's thoughts…other people's dreams.

I know, I know. I am a nursing student and I'm talking about writing. So that we are on the same page, writing has always been a passion of mine ever since I was in elementary. I love to write. My passion in that comes in close second next to my passion to be a nurse. It seems totally different, on parallel universe even, but those are my passions, since I've never been really expressive in speech…how I really feel or view the world… so I make it up in writing.

Now that's cleared up, let's get back to my real story. So anyway, I asked Yukari why…I mean…honestly where was she going with this? She looked up to me from across the counter. At first, she looked a little concerned but as I looked at her questioningly, her expression turned to somewhat sarcastic. "He's your charge. Your _only _charge." She finally said.

I still looked a little confused but of course, there was a lot of shock in there too. "Excuse me," I started. "Did I hear you correctly? I am going to be the Editor of Van Fanel? Me? Like me, _me_?" I said.

Yukari started laughing. "Why, Hitomi, I didn't know you to be such a fan?"

I narrowed my eyes on her. "I am not _that _kind of fan. He's a great writer, yes, and I admire how he uses words to express stuff but it's only up to that."

"I know, I know. That's why when I found out, I thought it was perfect." Yukari answered still laughing. My jaw fell open, I wanted to say some things but chose not to. I occupied myself with continuing with the cooking. My grandmother would be arriving home soon.

"Anyway, since you are on a part-time basis, and well me knowing the real reason why you need to have this job, I found it prudent to manage only one writer. He's a little…how should I say…hard…and challenging so they didn't suspect a thing." Yukari added.

"Don't tell me this is all because of you?" I said sarcastically.

"Do I need to state the obvious?" She replied just as sarcastically. I could only shake my head and sigh. Yup. We were best friends alright. I should have seen this coming though.

"You don't have to worry, Hitomi. I will be there working too so if he gives you too much of a headache, I'll help you." She offered. I gave her a small smile.

Ok, now that how I got this job and who my writer would be is covered, let's move on to the actual first day experience. I came from school…actually from home. I ran from school to change into something more appropriate than clinical duty uniform and to grab something to eat. Yukari offered to meet me at school but I told her that I would meet her at the office. I think I'm capable of managing that. Besides, it's easier for me to get it together without her nagging at some things…like I said earlier…she knows why I badly need this job. I don't blame her for worrying. It worries me too but I would never admit that to her openly.

Anyway, as I entered the building for the first time, I was honestly regretting having something to eat for lunch. It was looking like I was going to see it again with how nervous I became. I can honestly say that I was flat out scared. This was going to be a life changing thing. I knew that it was do or die. There were no other options and hey, I'm not being overly dramatic. It is how things really are.

I put on the best smile I could give and headed to the elevator. I followed Yukari's directions and pressed the seventh floor on the elevator. I rode it among employees just heading back from lunch. I smiled softly knowing that from today, I would be working with them. It was like a dream come true…being in the world of writing…how manuscripts are made and turned into best selling novels.

When it was my turn to leave the lift up, I took a deep breath and walked with as much confidence as I could. Yukari was there waiting for me, which made me feel a lot better. It was a relief seeing a familiar face in this new environment. She smiled upon seeing me. I could tell that she was as anxious as I am but I would never admit mine openly.

"Hey Yukari." I greeted with a warm smile when I approached her.

"Hi Hitomi. So, are you ready?" She asked. I don't know but it seems like Yukari was more…how should I say…waiting for me to say that I wasn't ready. But I think that's me over thinking or maybe it was the nerves talking.

"Yeah. I'm good. I'm good." I answered.

"Great. Come on let me introduce you to the guys that make up the seventh floor." Yukari said as she started to lead the way. I followed her. I held my breath in anticipation. I wasn't really sure what to expect.

When we passed through the glass door that separated the seventh floor office to the rest of the hallway and the elevators, I couldn't believe that it was more tamed than what I had expected. I guess I had been watching too much TV on publishing houses and press offices…then it hit me…how can I compare that to a typical book publishing company? The deadlines weren't as hectic and obviously the environment would be different. I felt somewhat stupid at that point. I was quick to blame it on my nerves.

Anyway, there were desks around as expected, pilled with neat stacks of papers. There was a computer monitor in every desk. Then there was a lounge room at the center where people could sit in comfy sofas and pour themselves a glass of tea or coffee. There were a variety of pastries there. Somehow I got the impression that it was a homey sort of office.

Glass separated every desk but not enough to fully isolate a desk from the other. The glass was sort of craved with different designs. The computers were A-line, up-to-date pieces of equipment. It was very professional yet very laid back. Like I said, it took me completely by surprise.

When we entered, I almost froze when all of the people there stopped what they were doing and looked at us…or rather me…being the new kid and all. I knew I was somehow blushing. I smiled, keeping my confidence level up. I was going to be ok, I constantly reminded myself. The self psych exercise seemed to work.

"Everyone, this is Hitomi Kanzaki, my best friend. She will be working with us part time starting today." Yukari said. I bowed in respect to them as they stood from where they were seated and approached.

"Hey guys. I'm Hitomi and it's nice to meet all of you." I said. I'm glad I managed to keep my voice even. The humiliation that would have come if it did was something I did not like to think about.

I saw this handsome man approach us first. He had long blond hair and the most stunning eyes I've seen (he somehow reminded me of Amano-sempai…oh well). He smiled at me warmly and extended a hand. I reached out expecting to shake his but was shocked when he kissed my hand. My first thought after that was 'he must be a play boy'. Don't laugh. It's the truth. I mean…come on…do guys nowadays, typical average guys, do that sort of thing?

"It's nice to finally meet you, Hitomi. I am Allen Schezar, the literary agent of the group." He said, still not letting go of my hand.

I tried to be nice, really I did. I motioned to retrieve my hand and he didn't seem to mind. I smiled at him. "Nice to meet you, Allen." I simply said. I could almost swear Yukari smirked beside me.

I immediately shifted my attention to the blond, beautiful woman who came up next to Allen. "Hi. I'm Millerna Aston. I'm a writer here." I shook hands with her. My impression of her was that she is such a nice woman. She acted like a real lady.

"I'm Dryden Fassa, a writer and Millerna's fiancé." The man next to her said.

"Millerna's fiancé? Oh my God, congratulations." I said when I shook his hand and threw another big smile towards Millerna. She blushed and Dryden placed his arm around her shoulder. They looked good together.

I turned to another man there. He was tall, with a kind, wise face. "I am Folken Lacour de Fanel. I am an Editor here just like you. I am Van here's elder brother." He said as he motioned to the man I already knew as Van, next to him. He then continued, still looking at me, "If you find anything amiss or are having problems with anything, don't hesitate to approach me. I am your Senior Editor. I'll teach you the basics on how we do things here after the introductions are over."

"Thank you. I appreciate that." I answered. He only gave me a small smile in return.

And last but not the least, Van. He was still the beautiful man he was on TV. The only difference now is that I was seeing him in person. I'm not attracted to him, which made this job a whole lot easier to deal with. "I'm Van Slanzar de Fanel. I will be your writer as they have told me."

I nodded and gave a small bow. I could tell right off the bat that things are going to be interesting. I could tell that he wasn't like this 'perfect' man the media portrayed him to be. Somehow, he seemed to me like the total opposite…like a man with a lot of secrets…a man with a rather cool heart. Yup. Things are going to be interesting from now on. Too bad for him I'm not easily intimidated. Besides, I came here to work.

I couldn't help but wonder though…his brother seemed so nice and friendly while he was almost the complete opposite. I wondered what in the world happened to him that made him the way he was. I wondered…if this was what Yukari meant…thinking about it, it made me glad that he was my only writer.

Now, that I somehow had an idea of what I would be dealing with, I couldn't help but be curious on how to fully understand him, everything. All of a sudden, it felt like all the butterflies had left my stomach. And now it begins.

(to be continued…)

_Tarot card- Ace of Wands (One of Fire)_

_Keyword: idea_

_Signifactor: A bold, new venture_

**A/N: alright I got the first chapter down. This is sort of new to me…writing this way…well anyway, I don't know what to expect so surprise me. Hehe. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks.**

**Michiko**


	2. Two of Wands

Chapter 2 Two of Wands

After the introductions, Folken kept his word. He took me under his wing. I don't think I would be able to find another Senior Editor like him. Van, by this time, had already gone back to his desk and was typing something…his new manuscript I suppose. Yukari tagged along since she too was an Editor. They both taught me so much. It's my first day but it felt like I have been already working there for a long time. They made me feel at ease…truly one of them. Yukari, I can understand, do I even have to explain it? Folken, he's more like a big brother than a Senior Editor. He's a big brother but at the same time professional Senior Editor who showed a rookie like me how it was done there.

Yukari showed me my desk. It was in front of hers. We could easily talk with that setup. I honestly expected something like that. Anyway, since Yukari had to start working, one of her writer's book was nearing its deadline so she had to go, I was left with Folken.

He made me sit next to him at his station. "Here," He handed me a couple of pages of paper.

I took it and said nothing. I looked up at him. He knew what I was going to ask so he beat me to it, "Let's see how you work. I've edited this file already. It's my brother's. You work on that and we will compare notes. You may work at your desk if it makes you more comfortable." He smiled at me.

"Can I write on this paper?" I asked.

He nodded at me and said, "You can mark anything you think should be changed or modified."

I smiled back and headed off to my table. Wow. My first real assignment. It was a test, I know, but I couldn't complain. I was learning from the best, in my opinion, and the material in my hands was made by one of the most talented men in all of Japan…really…who could complain? It was a privilege. I was glad it was my job.

Since I already read some of Van's work, more or less I knew his style of writing. I didn't know his real personality but I was confident enough to work with what I had. I wasn't overly excited or confident…I mean I still had to prove myself. I tried to keep my idea of his style and personality in mind while trying to keep the rest open.

I sat down and started reading. _"The Forgotten" _Hmm…just with the title, I could tell that it was going to be a deep piece of literature. I wondered if that was the reason why Folken had chosen it as my test. I shrugged off the idea, keeping my mind focused on the task at hand. I told myself I could think about that later when I've done.

My style of editing was reading through the paper first and it is in the second reading do I start editing, from grammar, to spelling to the structure of the composition. I don't know but with me, I always want to understand what the author is trying to say first so that when I edit, it will be in accord to his main message and also it's my way of making sure that I don't change any message or hidden things the author is trying to say.

As I was reading through the pages, I suddenly remembered how powerful his words were. I was reminded that he wasn't being acknowledged for nothing. His essay was about simple things that we easily take for granted. He talked about how we see things from a distance…how we always look ahead and not noticing what we already have. He kept it simple to drive home the point. But somehow…I don't know…

I took out my highlighters and pencil. I don't like scribbling down on red ink on things I edit except on my own. I highlighted parts that I believed could be better left unsaid or omitted to really have an impact on the readers. He basically wanted people to think to realize what he was saying so I'm helping him on that department. I placed my notes on areas that needed it.

Pretty soon, I was able to finish with the piece. I headed back to Folken's side. He watched me with, I cannot be certain, anxious eyes as well as amusement. He made me sit beside him as I handed him the piece. He said nothing at first as he scanned through my work. I was feeling nervous naturally but I did my best to keep myself composed.

After reading through the final page, he set it down on his desk and looked at me. I bit my lower lip to keep myself from gulping. I couldn't read his expression.

"So," Folken started. "You highlighted stuff in different colors, plus you made some notes. Let's go through them." I nodded and started to explain my method of editing. I told him that the yellow ones were the parts that I thought could be omitted, the green ones could be changed or rephrased, the blue ones were a little bit too much, the pink ones could be placed somewhere else on the piece, and the orange ones were what I understood as the main things he was pointing out. It was already understood what my notes meant so of course I didn't feel the need to explain them.

"You have a unique way of editing but from all the first timers I've encountered, yours is the most logical." He commented. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or a criticism so I remained silent. I already knew that he was going to say something else so I waited for him patiently.

Folken took out a pile of papers from his drawer and set it next to the ones I edited. "This is what I did." He said as he pushed both papers towards me so that I could see. "I've read through yours and I can honestly say we have almost the same points with his work. Tell me something, Hitomi."

I looked up at him and met his eyes. I saw gentleness in them but also a deep sense of seriousness that would be enough to send a chill on anyone's spine. "What else have you noticed upon reading his work?" His question took my by surprise. I wasn't expecting that.

I was dumbfounded…putting my expression into words. I immediately started to reflect on what I was thinking while I first read through his work and also when I was doing the actual editing. He watched me and waited patiently for my answer.

I took a deep breath. I decided to tell him the truth. He was Van's brother and it was hard for me to say things like that so blatantly about someone I just met. It was as bad as telling the person right out. But then again, it was better than lying. I would take that any day. I wasn't going to pretend.

"Honestly, Folken, I believe he has this way with words that simply has a powerful effect on readers." I said.

"But…?" He continued, as if reading my mind.

I took a deep breath. I made myself think that he was my Senior Editor rather than Van's elder brother. "…I somehow…get the impression that it lacks something…"

His eyes showed more amusement than it did only a while back. "What do you mean, Hitomi?"

I shifted rather uncomfortably in my chair. How am I supposed to put in words? I though about how to better explain it, not misleading Folken or making have the wrong impression. "I'm not so sure…no…actually I am…well…I get the impression that it lacks emotions. I mean, this essay is well written and well thought of but it was more on the intellect and the message he was trying to express was more on how people feel about things that are around us and we take for granted. His words, like I said, are powerful but it's tamed…like it was held back."

Folken watched me, not breaking his gaze from my eyes the entire time I was speaking. I saw his eyes grow more amused and satisfied the more I explained. "You are ready." Was all he told me.

I was taken aback. I didn't expect that answer from him. I wish I could understand it but I honestly didn't. He seemed to understand the confusion as it was written all over my face. He smiled at me and said, "Don't worry about it, Hitomi. All I'm saying is that I am confident that you will be able to handle my brother." Then he added in a lower voice, "Just don't let him intimidate you." He grinned and I couldn't help but laugh. I gave him a nod and that was it. I guess you can say I passed his test. I was somewhat relieved but at the same time suddenly afraid of what was ahead. I was treading unknown waters plus I think that was Folken's way of warning me. But I was already there…there was no way I would be running back.

"Now, let me endorse everything." Folken then said. He handed me a paper and all Van's deadlines were written there. He explained to me that those were all the things that Van was working on. I quickly scanned the paper. He had a novel due in a couple of months, while the others were short essays and still others were about the next deadline of new novel, which was a year away. Folken then gave me a CD. He told me that it contained all the latest, raw, unedited files of Van. It was now my job to edit them and work with Van for any revisions that may arise.

I headed back to my desk. From the looks of it, it was going to be extra hard trying to edit all the files. The deadlines were already near so I better get started. I knew the pressure but I didn't mind. I thanked my background for that. Being a nursing student was part of it but what made it more tolerable was that, even if I am a graduating nursing student, I was also the Editor-in-Chief of our College paper. So I knew the pressure of meeting the deadline while doing a vast array of things. I smiled at the challenge that was now in front of me. I'm not going to let it daunt me, rather, I would take it one stride at a time and see where it gets me.

I opened the CD and was surprised that Folken had made my life a whole lot easier. He organized each file into dates, based on their importance. In each folder, Folken subdivided it according to chapter and in others, by essay. This was a life-saver. Perhaps it was a welcoming gift from Folken but of course I won't allow myself to indulge in that fact. This is work. This isn't like something in school. This was the real deal.

I clicked on the most pressing file and started reading it. I was surprised when I found it to be my 'test' piece. I blinked a couple of times. I thought my mind was playing games on me. But no matter how I tried to convince myself that I must have been hallucinating, the title and the content really was _The Forgotten. _I looked up at Folken's direction. He was working with something else. He had his full attention at his computer.

I looked back down. I shifted through all the papers Folken had given me. I was again surprised to find the paper I worked with earlier and the copy Folken edited along with it. There was a post-it in it too, _"Good job," _It said. I guess I was too absorbed trying to get every instruction and endorsement that he was saying that I failed to notice that he mixed the papers in the pile he handed me.

Honestly, it somehow made me a little apprehensive. I told myself that I should be more alert than that. But of course, I forgave myself for it since it was my first day. I told myself that it's ok that it happened but make sure it doesn't happen again.

Ok, since it was the most pressing deadline, I knew that I had to confront Van about it. It was my job to not only edit it but also to work closely with the writer to improve it before I could give a go signal for publishing. I don't know but I suddenly felt so apprehensive. I remember Folken's words to not let him intimidate me but right like that was easy. I'm not scared of him but I've dealt with people almost like him in their most sensitive moments being a nurse and all but I don't know…how exactly do you approach a writer and tell him that his work somewhat lacked a heart?

I knew I had to take care of it tactfully. I knew I really had to be smart about it. As I walked over to where Van was busy typing whatever it was he was working on, I decided to not go on the 'no heart' thing. I will eventually tell him that when we have a couple of works under our belt…or when I've already got to know him better.

Remember what I said earlier? About me being not so easily intimidated? Hmm…I was afraid that this man here was going to make me eat my words. But I won't allow that. I reminded myself on why I needed this job so badly. It seemed to do the job. It was enough to psych me up again.

"Hey, you've got a minute?" I said as I stood near his desk. I couldn't help it but as usual, my smile never faded. Practice of nursing can do that to you. You approach everyone, including the most difficult patients and doctors, with a smile like nothing is wrong or even when everything is going so wrong.

He looked up at me, his cool expression not betraying anything. He leaned back at his chair and waited for me to say what it was I needed. I gave him the papers that I worked on earlier. I spared him the part of his brother's critique on the paper. He took it and looked at it. He then looked up at me, still not saying anything.

I explained it the way I explained it to Folken…except the something missing part. Still, Van refused to express anything. I found it odd. I couldn't help but wonder if he was actually normal. Oh scratch that – he's normal alright he's just so mysterious for my taste. At that moment, he struck me as a person who doesn't easily give his trust to anyone. If Allen was a play boy and indulging it, Van was the complete opposite. He was so reserved and I get the feeling that it was that sense of mystery that girls are having trouble resisting.

"Do you actually know what you are doing?" He finally said, addressing my existence.

I smiled at him and replied, "Of course. The question is, do you _know _what you are doing?" The words rolled out of my mouth so naturally that when I uttered them, I inwardly cursed. I knew what it implied. I knew that I just unleashed Pandora's box.

As expected, Van narrowed his eyes to me and answered, "I have been in this business for a long time. I've had a lot of my works published. Don't you think that says something?"

"So what? Have you read what you wrote? Or did you simply write and pass it?"

"Have _you _read it?"

"No I just highlighted it." I answered sarcastically, still not removing my smile. It was sort of fun antagonizing him. What better way to understand how he works by shaking him out of his comfort zone. "Of course I read it. It's my job after all." I finally added.

"Have you seen this paper? I can point to you which ones aren't highlighted at all. Are you trying to tell me to start from scratch?"

"You are the one telling yourself that you have to start from scratch. I am telling you that it's ok but you can still improve it. I've already made the first step. It's up to you to re-write it." I answered him. It was the truth after all. I wasn't one to beat around the bush. I could tell that he wasn't used to being corrected at all. He was used on getting his way. But in order for him to get better, he needed to take some constructive criticism. I knew he was in denial.

He smirked. Van must be thinking that I was joking or something but of course I wouldn't acknowledge that. "You do know that I have a lot of other things to finish, right?"

"Yeah so?"

"So, I thought your job was to make it easier. Like edit my work and give it a go signal and move on."

"I am your Editor, Van, not your secretary. You must have those two job descriptions all confused." I answered coolly. I could tell the tension between me and Van had aroused the interest of every one that made up the seventh floor. I could tell that they were listening to our exchange as I could have sworn I heard snickers from somewhere in the room.

Van's eyes narrowed a little bit more. I knew that he was angry at me. The thought made me smile a little more. "Then why don't you go to your desk and start editing the others I've worked on." He replied. He was seething and he didn't try to cover it up.

"I would but how can I when you are being so stubborn as to not accept the fact that you are not perfect therefore you have to re-think about what you have written here. I know you are in denial right now, judging by your demeanor. You don't take criticism all to well. So, if you don't know, the first step is admitting it already and getting on with it. Hopefully, we could both move on with our jobs." I said as I placed the paper on his desk. More snickers came.

Van grinned and said, "I get it."

"Excuse me," I answered, confused.

He crossed his arms and eyed me. I looked back at him. "You're doing this so that you can get my attention."

My jaw fell open. Can you believe the nerve of this guy? I started laughing. I then said, "Oh get over yourself. Please, like you actually think that? How low can you get? Well, news flash. You're not the hottest guy in my book. I don't even find you attractive. Now that that's all cleared up, might we get back to business here instead of remaining in that delusional realm of yours I call, wishful thinking."

"Alright. I'll work on it," Van replied, crossing his arms across his chest again with that smug air of his. "Would you care to wager?"

"Wager on what?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. Although my smile never fades, I really was curious on what he was thinking.

"Prove to me that you are worthy to be my Editor and in return, I will work on this essay and all the others without questioning in return." He said.

I looked at him and quickly said, "What's the catch?"

"Oh nothing you can't handle I presume."

"Like I said, what's the catch?" I answered as I leaned on the post by his desk.

"Organize all the literary pieces I have and uncover this hidden message I will put. If you get it, I'll be convinced. If not, you find yourself another writer." He said.

I smiled and extended my hand. He shook it. "It's a deal then." Van replied.

"Bring it, Van. I'll make you regret it." I answered.

Van snickered. I knew what he was thinking. As I strode back to my desk, I knew that eyes were following me. I told you it was going to be interesting. I just knew it that this experience was going to be so interesting. I couldn't help but smile.

(to be continued…)

_Tarot card – Two of Wands (Two of Fire)_

_Keyword: Dominion_

_Significator: Setting sail on a new adventure_

Hmm…I'm reserving my comment for this chapter. Please do send in what you think. As of now, it still is a trial thing. Thanks.

Michiko


	3. High Priestess

Chapter 3 High Priestess

As soon as I sat back down at my table, Yukari popped her head. I knew that expression that she wore. I simply smiled back and tried to avoid the eminent question that was burning in her eyes. I tried to stall by pretending to check Van's next entry so that I could start editing that. I wasn't going to lose the bet. Not that I wanted him to by my writer but I knew that what he really meant when he said it. He may not have said it straight out but I knew what he really wanted to say…if I lose, I must quit.

"So," She started.

_Uh-oh. _I knew that she was starting. It was a conversation I knew she wouldn't let go easily. I've known her for years so I know when she is up to something. You are probably wondering how we met and how come she is already working full time while I am still at school. Yukari is actually older than me by a year. We met when we were in junior high. She was graduating and I was a year behind. She was the track team Manager and I was a track member. Somehow it clicked between us and we got closer, eventually we became best friends. Anyway…

"Sounds like you really can keep up with Van, Hitomi." She commented.

I started laughing. I finally allowed my gaze to meet with hers. "Don't exaggerate, Yukari. Besides, it might hurt his ego even more."

Yukari started to laugh. She rolled her chair and sat next to me. "Honestly speaking, Hitomi, you are the only Editor who isn't Folken who actually had the guts to talk to him like that."

I rolled my eyes and said, "How come I have a feeling that all of you guys were waiting for the first encounter?"

"I guess part of it is true but it's more like we wanted to see if you will be ok. I mean, Editors don't last long with Van. They get intimidated somehow. That bet of yours won't be helping either."

"I don't plan on losing, Yukari. Besides, I've dealt with people far worst than him, especially in the operating room, where some doctors have a God-complex."

"People worse than my brother, huh?" Both Yukari and I turned and saw Folken coming towards us. He leaned against my desk casually. "Hmm maybe that's why Yukari was insistent on making you Van's Editor. You've got training and let me tell you, my brother can have a God-complex too."

I decided to only return his comments with a smile. I can't believe that it was actually that bad. Van was always portrayed by the media as the most desirable bachelor in all of Japan. It was a good thing that I don't really put much attention to what is being said by the media. Then instincts were kicking in. Can he really be that bad? I wondered what could have possibly happened to him that made him the way he was. I mean, looking at Folken, I would never really think that they were related by simply looking at them. Ok that wasn't entire true. They do resemble each other. It was only their personalities that were total opposites.

"Anyway, I came over to actually wish you luck. I know you understood what he was really saying. Look, I'm sure you will be able to do it." _Maybe you are the one who can bring him back. _(well that was my real impression) Folken told me as he gave me an uneven smile.

I sighed and replied, "I came here to work. That is what I am going to do. If I need to go through hell just to prove that I am capable so that he'd work, then so be it. Thanks, Folken, especially for making my life easier. I appreciate the different files." He gave me a grin before heading back.

Van and I didn't talk again that day. I knew he was pissed off with me. It wouldn't do our working relationship any better if I rub it a little deeper by pestering him with the other files I wanted him to re-do. I knew he could do it easily. He was the author after all.

Anyway, as I was walking home, I couldn't help but look up at the stars. I stopped walking. My thoughts were far away as it was. I looked up at the beautiful night sky. It was a cloudless sky that night so all the stars glistened. I smiled as for a fleeting moment, it felt perfect. I looked up, knowing that one of those stars was my mother, my father and my brother, watching down from heaven.

Yeah. I lost my family years before in a car accident. All I have now is my grandmother. She's an amazing and strong person. I wish I could be like her…I would even settle for half of her strength. I wonder sometimes where she gets her strength. She's the one who single-handedly brought me up.

I lost my family when I was in elementary. I had a recital in school back then. My father was coming from work. He picked up my mom and my infant brother so that they could come to watch me together. But it was raining hard that day. I remember it well because I remember being scared of the thunder and the lightning. I was told that the roads were too slippery and well, my dad didn't want to miss my performance drove a little fast. One thing led to the other and well…I lost them that day.

At first I didn't understand what it meant…what death meant. I mean, I was in second grade. How was I supposed to really understand that death meant the end of life? Going through the ceremonies…I don't remember crying. I only cried when they were taking their bodies off to be cremated. That's when I understood that they weren't coming back. I remember thinking at first that they were simply asleep and people came to help us wake them up. I thought they cried because they couldn't wake my parents and my brother up.

I started living with my grandmother since then. I remember that every time I felt like crying or would wake up crying, looking for my mom, she would be by my side and sing to me to sleep. It was the same song my mom would sing to me to sleep. Before I knew it, I would be drifting back to sleep.

Now, looking at the stars and looking back, I couldn't help but smile. So much has already happened to me and I know that there is still so much more to come. I remember the feeling of being afraid but one thing about it is that I never felt alone.

My thoughts then wondered back to Van. I wonder why he had such a cool heart. Even without speaking to him, I could tell by simply reading his raw drafts. It lacked so much even if his words were already so powerful in itself. Then I wondered, how come his earlier works didn't seem to have that feel? I thought that maybe his previous editor/ editors did that or if he has changed. I don't know and I most certainly can't ask him that.

"Hey, what are you doing here all alone?" I suddenly heard someone say. I whipped around and noticed Allen standing there. Relief spread through me. I know I just met him but I knew that even if he was a play boy type, I still could trust him.

I smiled back at him and said, "Allen, you scared me."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to."

"Yeah well I guess I was so absorbed with my thoughts that I didn't notice you approaching." I replied sheepishly.

He grinned at me. "So back to my original question, what are you doing here alone?"

"I was on my way home then I got so captivated by the night sky that I sort of zoned out a bit." There was no use lying. I mean what else could I say?

"I can see that. Come on. I'll walk you home. You've got school tomorrow, right?" Allen said as we started walking.

"Actually in a few hours. I've got five hours left before I would have to head to school."

"You've got night school?"

I laughed. "No. I'm on hospital duty. I've got the graveyard shift until the next week."

"Can you survive on only a few hours of sleep?"

I nodded. It wasn't different from before. I guess my body got used to only having a few hours of rest. But I knew that it wasn't good for my health…not for anyone. If things were different, I wouldn't have to do the things I do but alas, it is a necessity that I am willing to endure. I don't mind.

We were silent after that. Maybe neither of us knew what to say next…I'm guessing…but really…I can speak for myself. I didn't know how to open a conversation with him. Ok maybe I did but I chose not to. I wanted silence for awhile so that I could think about how I am going to tackle the next few days…weeks. I knew Van wasn't going to make it easy. I wondered if I spoke too big when I said that I would be making him regret what he said. Suddenly, I couldn't help but ask myself if I could actually pull it off. I mean, I had school…I had other commitments to think about.

"Hey, Allen, can I ask you something?" I finally said.

From the corner of my eye, I knew that he looked back at me, waiting patiently for what I was going to say next. "Do you think I made a mistake pushing Van like I did earlier? I mean, I just started and now it seems like my working with him is going to be stressed even further."

To my surprise, Allen started to laugh. I looked at him quite confused and annoyed. He thought that was funny? He wasn't the one who was working with Van that closely. "Honestly, Hitomi, I can speak for everybody when I say that watching Van's face the entire time was classic. If you think that is the only way to get him to work with you, by all means, Hitomi, you did the right thing."

"I get the impression that that doesn't happen all the time." I replied, trying to keep my tone cool.

"It doesn't. Usually, the editor assigned to him is a total push over or totally fan-stricken. Like I said, watching his face earlier was classic."

I let out a sigh. I knew I was getting no where with the conversation. He didn't get what I was really saying. I only wanted to know if my working with him would only close his heart more, which could reflect on his writing. I couldn't even vocalize my thoughts properly so I thought that it was better if I would just drop the subject.

It seemed that my actions amused them. Talk about being professional…I wonder where it came into play. But then again, from the first moment I entered the seventh floor, I could tell that they were a close-knit group. They were tight, the type who would look out for one another.

I thanked Allen for walking me home. He was talking about some stuff on our way but I wasn't really listening. I was being polite by pretending to listen but honestly, I didn't understand a word that he said. I was more absorbed with what I was thinking…will I really survive this? It wasn't what I expected it to be…but since when do things turn out the way you expect them, right?

Once I got into my room, I took hurriedly took a bath and prepared my stuff for the new day. I only had a few hours left but it was funny how I wasn't feeling tired like I used to. Maybe it was all the jitters and the excitement of a new challenge but who am I kidding? It was more about the worry if I will be able to pull it off. I cannot forget the fact on why I sought this job in the first place.

Instead of sleeping, I started writing all my thoughts down in this journal. I wanted to get it all out so that maybe I could start thinking straight again…you know, without any distractions. God knows that I can't afford to be distracted right now with the juggling act that I brought upon myself. Without even realizing it, I drifted off to sleep.

It's funny really. I knew my body was exhausted so naturally I expected a dreamless sleep but then again, it seems to drift back to Van. It's not anything romantic. He was so mysterious and I think it will take a while to figure out all the mysteries there is about him to fully get him to put some 'heart' into his work. I just couldn't understand how such a talented writer like him lacked the very soul that made a writer unique. Heck, I even wished that I could half of his talent in expressing in words. Perhaps he doesn't understand what he has.

I woke up with a start, mind you. I thought that I was running late. I mentally slapped myself for not being able to think about anything else but Van. Sorry, but I don't like it when people hate me. Did he really hate me at sight? I then wondered what I did to make him so angry at me…oh right, the confrontation thing. But then again, even before that I think he was already angry with me. Well anyway, I've got to get ready for my duty. I can't spare him another thought. I've got patients in far worse condition than him. I shelved whatever thoughts I had of him. This time, trying to understand someone to be able to fully work with him was going to be a challenge…a challenge that could wait.

Once I got things together, I gathered my stuff and headed to the kitchen. I made something for myself. It was still the middle of the night and I kept as quiet as I could so that my grandmother wouldn't wake up. The silence didn't bother me as it usually did. It made me a little sleepy though. I turned on my player. It was at random. I wasn't in the mood to listen to a specific genre so I let it go on random. How ironic the first song that played…_How to save a life by The Fray. _I smiled. It was going to be a good shift I told myself.

After I ate, I cleaned the dishes and made a note for my grandmother. I knew that she worries about me a lot with this new schedule of mine. She only talked to me about it once but when I told her the real reason, I could see it in her eyes that she understood. Although, I could also see that she is pained by it too. I wish things were simpler but my grandmother is getting old and I cannot expect her to work for my future. I had to come up with a solution myself. I knew I was causing her pain and for that I feel really bad. Well, being born in the middle class can do that to you.

I made my way over to my school to meet up with my group mates. As I walked, I wondered if a patient of mine was still there. She was still young, her mid-twenties but she was there fighting for her life. She had been diagnosed to have a congenital heart problem. Simply put, when she was born, the holes of her heart failed to close when it should be since she was already born from her mother's womb. It took years to find her condition. They simply pushed it aside, saying that she wasn't built for sports. It was only recently when her condition turned out to be grave. Her heart grew weak. There are surgeries that could be done to close the holes but with her weakened heart, it was no longer an option. For now, she is waiting for a heart donor.

You know what, we sort of became close. I've been looking after her for quite some time now and well, I talk with her when I do my rounds, like taking the vital signs and making sure that she was doing fine. I recently found out that she is a total fan of Van. I wonder what she would do to me if she found out that I have become his editor? No, I don't want to think about that. Any sudden change of emotion isn't good for her heart.

I know I could easily get her to talk about Van. She only sees the good things about him like the rest of his fan club. Maybe it could help me see those things too…it will definitely help me deal with him better. I mean, if you only see the goodness in others then it helps you interact better, right? I'm having a little trouble with him and I am not ashamed to admit it. You already know why. I don't like having other people bearing a grudge against me. It's partially my fault. Oh well…I will eventually know why he loathes me, aside from the fact that I pushed him a little too far.

Anyway, I'm glad that even though I'm totally anxious on what Van plans are, I can still be myself. I'm glad that I am not affected the way I think he wants me to be. Yeah. I think about it but I'm not intimidated into quitting. Hmm…anyway, I was thinking…what if I tried my hand on writing? I am a writer after all. Before I became his editor, I was and still am a writer. I wouldn't have gotten my position as Editor-in-Chief if I wasn't. But this time, I wanted to write freely. I wanted to write in a way where I wouldn't really think about how other people might think or feel about it. I wanted to let my emotions run free.

Maybe when I do, I could understand the mechanics of it. When I do, I might just be able to help Van with his problem. If he won't listen to me as his editor, perhaps he would listen to a fellow writer. Right now, that is wishful thinking but hey I'm willing to exhaust all possible means to make sure that I will be able to help him and consequently, I will keep my job.

I don't know if it will work or somehow, remotely, make things more interesting. I've decided that it doesn't matter. Awww…but that means I will have to stop writing in my journal…well…I can squeeze it in every once in a while but I won't be able to write as lengthy or as complete as I would like.

Hmm…I will have to think about a solution to that…but in the mean time…this will serve as the last entry I have for a while. I hope you understand. It doesn't mean that I will forget you. This journal has been my life. It will be hard to let it go, right? Anyway, I will write when I can. Allow me to finish my novel first. Don't worry. I won't leave you in the dark on what will be happening to my life. You know me better than to stay quiet about it. You are the only one whom I can tell all my secrets to without fearing of being caught or being judged.

Oh well, until next time I write. Take it easy ok. Love always, Hitomi.

(to be continued…)

_Tarot card – High Priestess (Guardian of the mysteries)_

_Keyword: Memory_

_Significator: What is hidden or not yet revealed_

The story will shift from here on end. You will understand why I needed to do this as the story progresses. I hope you guys keep reading to find out why. Please review. Thanks.

Michiko


	4. Keeping Up

Chapter 4 Keeping Up

That first night, Van headed home. Even with his conscious effort of trying to convince himself that he wasn't affected with what Hitomi had said, he failed miserably. No one had ever spoken to him that honestly and straight forward aside from his brother. It was annoying. It was something that he never expected. Somehow it was invigorating, a challenge to prove her wrong.

Van stood against the open balcony of his condo apartment. He looked at the spectacular view in front of him. The glory of all of Tokyo was there. His apartment was slightly away from the heart of the city so when he looked out, he could see everything clearly. The bustling metropolis with a fast pace in the modern world. Even in all its magnificent, Van looked out, not truly seeing it. So many things were going through his head. He wondered what kind of message he would put…how he would do it.

He clenched his fist. Her words…not only did it surprise him but the sheer tenacity she had was something he definitely hadn't encountered before. She had spoken to him in a clear voice that it was like a slap in the face. He usually encountered mindless fanatics that were more geared towards illusion than reality.

He had gone over the piece she had edited. Her style of editing made sense and brought out a new dynamism in his piece that he never thought was possible. Only his brother had been able to get his style so far. His other editors just checked for grammatical or spelling errors and that was it. Hitomi seemed to have gone deeper and helped uncover the potential that was there. She wanted him to use that potential and make it into a strength, he knew that. It seemed that winning the bet was going to be more challenging than he originally thought it would be. He should have gone over the piece before he said something.

He smirked at himself. Who was he kidding? He was too stubborn to work with her right off the bat. He knew that his pride stood in the way. Besides, it's not like she was going to stick around for that long. He was fine with his writing style. It made him, him. Van didn't need another person telling him how to write or to change things that he wrote. That simply defeats the purpose of staying true to himself as a writer.

Van stood straight and walked back inside. He slumped on the couch. He rummaged his hand on his unruly hair. He couldn't believe how worked up he was. He knew that the others were watching him closely and how he would be dealing with his bet with Hitomi would be closely scrutinized. He knew that Hitomi wouldn't be going easy on him too. He knew that she was serious and that she was going to do give her best as much as he was.

With an exasperated breath and new determination, Van stood and sat in front of his laptop and started typing. He liked the feeling of the new challenge. It somehow made his mind work. A grin swept across his face as he started writing page after page of his new manuscript.

XxXxXx

After Allen accompanied Hitomi home, he headed to Folken's place. He was supposed to head home too but then after his talk with Hitomi, he sort of started thinking about things. He knocked on the door. He was sure that Folken would be home.

After a moment, Folken opened the door, slightly surprised to see Allen there at that time of night. "What brings you here?" Folken asked as they headed further inside the apartment.

"Hitomi." Allen simply answered as he sat on a chair to the table while Folken took out two bottles of beer.

"What about her?" Folken asked as he handed a beer and sat opposite of Allen.

Allen smirked slightly and took a gulp. He then looked at his friend and said, "Van won't be going easy on her."

"Van never goes easy on any of his editors."

"Yeah but aren't you even a bit curious who is going to win between the two? I mean, even I can tell that both of them are determined to win over the other."

Folken thought carefully before answering. He had made the same observation too. He knew his brother well enough that he will do his best to win. But looking at Hitomi, Folken knew that she was not one to give up easily. Frankly, he was pleasantly surprised that she was able to answer the way she did against Van. Very few people would dare to do that.

"I already know who's going to win." Folken finally answered before taking a swig of his beer.

"Oh really? I know Van is your brother but I didn't think that you would be that biased, Folken."

"I believe I didn't say who I'm siding with."

"Then does that mean you are all for Hitomi, then?"

Folken smirked and said, "I didn't say that either but I wouldn't mind her winning. It's getting boring always seeing Van have the upper hand on his editors."

Allen smirked. He guessed Folken would answer that way. He knew him as someone fair and not easily taking sides. Even so, it was fun trying to make him talk about the latest developments in the office. "So who do you think is going to win?" Allen finally challenged.

"I suggest not to think about that, Allen. It will eventually show itself in time." Folken answered.

"If you say so. But tell me this, what is your real impression on Hitomi? You read her work."

Folken looked across the table. Judging from Allen's expression, he knew that his friend was seriously talking about business. From working together for a long time, Folken knew that Allen usually liked to get to know even the styles of the editors. Since he was a literary agent, he needed to know how the editors of his writers worked because he knew quite well that it somehow influenced the end product of what his writers produced.

"Honestly, I expected that she would be rough around the edges but when she showed me how she tackled Van's latest essay, I was surprised that she was able to go deeper. We almost had the same points. The only difference that we have is that she was able to see and understand things that I missed. Maybe it's because I am Van's brother that I did not care to look at it or I already understood it so I didn't think it as significant, but the way she tackled it, it brought out something that will just surprise us all. She's more experienced than I gave her credit for."

"Well she didn't get the position as Editor-in-Chief for nothing, Folken."

"She's Editor-in-Chief of their school paper?"

"Yeah. I asked Yukari about Hitomi's background. That was what she told me."

"You really did your research." Folken commented.

"I have to. Comes with my job description. Anyway, now I have a high expectation with her. Let's just hope she doesn't give up on Van."

"I doubt that she's one to give up." Folken answered.

XxXxXx

It was late in the afternoon. Hitomi sat at her desk looking through the latest works of Van. He wasn't kidding in making her life difficult. He handed her a CD filled with different entries. When Hitomi checked the entries, there were only a few files but each file had multiple pages. To top it all, they were more serious and cryptic than she would have liked. The first file she opened was easy enough to understand but then the real message was a little harder to uncover. It was like he was saying one thing but totally meaning another thing.

Hitomi had been working on that file for a couple of hours already after having it printed out. She placed her headset and set her ipod on, helping her zone out from the scrutinizing eyes of the others and the grin plastered on Van's face. With a smile of her own, she worked, trying to put two and two together…scribbling notes so that she wouldn't lose her trail of thought…rationalizing the meaning between the words.

As she went along with it, it somehow made her smile wider when she realized she knew how to make Van work. Contrary to what Van believed, she effectively made him work without him even realizing it. He was able to come up with so much material and she was now editing them. Wasn't that the job description she signed up for? She knew that if she kept Van challenged, he would work…write his best…maybe along the line, she could help him make them better and have him put some heart into them.

Yukari approached Hitomi and tapped her shoulder. Hitomi looked up to her best friend with inquiring eyes.

"Come on, let's have a break." Yukari said.

Hitomi removed her headset and still looked at Yukari questioningly. Yukari smiled and repeated what she said. Hitomi smiled too and gave a nod. She knew she needed a break. She followed Yukari to where the others were staying at the lounge of the office. They were laughing, having some sort of conversation. Yukari led Hitomi to the table to get a snack and something to drink.

"Hey, it's about time you two joined us." Allen commented.

Hitomi and Yukari smiled. "Yeah well I'm a bit running late on a deadline. My writer didn't give me the manuscript earlier." Yukari answered.

"How about you, Hitomi? Van giving you a really hard time?" Allen asked, making Van smirk.

"Oh not exactly. Actually I'm nearly finished with one." Hitomi answered coolly, noticing that it erased Van's smirk a little bit. She inwardly wanted to laugh.

Hitomi got a cup of tea and a piece of blueberry pastry and sat next to Yukari on the couch. "So how are you finding the work here?" Millerna asked, who was also sitting next to her.

"It's fine. Better than what I had anticipated actually." Hitomi answered as she took a sip of her tea.

"That's good. I was a little worried that Van here might drive you off." Millerna remarked to tease Van a little bit.

Hitomi laughed and replied, "Oh he will have to do better than that to make me quit."

"Hitomi here is one tough weed." Yukari commented.

"Yeah like you are one to talk…who made it clear that there were no other job opportunities than working here again?" Hitomi answered.

"Don't tell me you actually regret working here?" Yukari teased.

Hitomi pretended to think before answering, "Hmmm…nope…I doubt any other job would be as interesting as this one."

"Well anyway, so what's your take, Hitomi?" Allen said to change the subject.

"Take on what?"

Allen grinned. Millerna and Yukari both rolled their eyes. It had been their never ending conversation. It was what they were talking about earlier. Since Hitomi was listening to her ipod, she wasn't aware of what they had been talking about. Folken and Van said nothing.

"Since Dryden is out, then the numbers are equal or unless you have some other views."

"Like I said, take on what?"

"We were discussing which sex is more superior. There is an article Folken is working on…something his writer composed. He talked about that. We were just discussing the age-old debate, you know, throwing in our points of view. So what's your take on it? Or would you like to stick to the gender you are in right off the bat like the rest of us?" Allen said.

Hitomi was a little surprised with the topic they were at. It was really an age-old debate. She smiled and remained silent for a while. She thought about her answer very carefully. When she found her answer, Hitomi smiled back at Allen and replied, "I think…men are more superior…"

All of them were taken by surprise. All looked at her. "I think men are more superior," Hitomi repeated but quickly added, "…however…I believe women are more efficient."

"That's a little safe answer, don't you think?" Yukari commented. Hitomi smiled back at her.

"How can man be more superior and women be more efficient? Isn't that a contradicting answer?" Folken asked.

"Well look at it this way….this is just an impression ok so don't go over the hedge or something like that…men are more superior because they have been born with two heads. However, blood only flows to one head at a time. While in women, we may have one head but blood flows to it all the time so we get to keep our heads straighter and more focused on what we need to do, which makes us more efficient." Hitomi answered as a matter-of-factly.

The group was stunned into silence. They didn't expect that explanation. After a while, Millerna and Yukari started laughing while Allen and the others sported a slight blush.

"God, Hitomi, I didn't know you had a perverted mind." Allen commented.

"I resent that. You are talking to a bachelor of science in nursing. What I said is an anatomical and physiological fact. You are the one who took it perversely." Hitomi answered quite coolly.

"Touche," Folken answered. "She got you on that one, Allen…which is I doubt…far from the truth…or might I say the entire truth." He added and grinned.

"Yes! Now that we have Hitomi on our side, Allen could finally shelf that annoying debate once and for all." Yukari commented.

Hitomi stood and said, "As much as I have enjoyed myself, please excuse me. I still need to do a lot of things. Someone might think that I didn't understand that what he wanted to express in that first file of his…oh let's say…I'm telling you what you want to hear but you better listen to what you don't want to hear. I better finish it or he might let his ego inflate just a little bit bigger." She walked away.

Van cursed under his breath. That was exactly what he incorporated secretly in his first piece. It took her a while but she got it. Now he knew that he would have to step it up a bit.

"Judging from Van's expression…or lack thereof…round one goes to Hitomi." Folken commented as he gave his brother a tap on the shoulder before standing up himself and heading back to his desk.

(to be continued…)

Pretty much an uneventful chapter. I had to make it this way…you know…as the transition phase…anyway, please do review. I appreciate those who sent in their thoughts for the previous chapters but I hope to hear from you again. Thanks.

Michiko


	5. Sunday

Chapter 5 Sunday

Sunday. It was the time of the week where business was slow and everyone was usually taking it easy and having a break. It was a time even for the writers, editors and literary agents of the Gaea Publishing house took a day off work. The office that was usually busy and at fast pace was silent and calm. But for the past Sundays, its monotony was broken with gentle determination that sparked this intense curiosity and awe to anyone who saw.

For the past Sundays, Hitomi had gone to the office to get some work done. It wasn't against the rules and she knew it. She wanted to make sure that she was up to speed with Van. She wanted to keep up with him. With school work and her hospital duties, it was almost next to impossible to do. She knew she had to give up some Sundays to work on some stuff.

She would come early in the mornings, bringing with her the laptop she usually used to accomplish her school work and some snacks. The guard would let her in and would check up on her every now and then. Hitomi was really grateful for the effort. The middle-aged man checked up on her not because of his job but because he wanted to make sure that she was fine. Somehow, he reminded her of her father…how she remembered him and how she thought he would be like if he were alive.

It was a rather warm day so Hitomi wore a white sleeveless camisole and a pair of blue denims that were cut to the knees. She had on white rubber shoes and had done her hair in a slightly untidy bun. She was working on the novel that Van had done. It was due in a couple of weeks and she had to make sure that they were both on track. She should have been through with it last Friday but since she had to go on duty and had to work with her editorial board for the latest issue, she wasn't able to finish it…heck, she wasn't even able to open the file.

The elevator to the floor opened. Hitomi hardly noticed since she was absorbed with what she was printing and reading, making sure that they were in proper order and she was actually making progress. Not to mention, she had on her music on her laptop, it was really almost impossible for her to notice that she had company.

"I told you she'd be here."

"How did you know she'd be here? You stalking her?" Van asked Allen as they stood by the door looking inside their office.

"Why, Van, I didn't know you are actually capable of jealousy? You must have fallen really hard for your beautiful editor." Allen teased back.

Van shot him a death glare and replied coldly, "How could I be jealous? I hardly even like that annoying girl."

"Come now, boys. Behave. I told Allen, Van, if you must know. I brought you guys here to make you into believers." Yukari said, trying to keep the tension between the two to a minimum.

"Believers of what?" Van asked stubbornly.

Yukari let out an exasperated breath. "You of all people should see this. She's not one to give up. I'm doing this because of her. I want you to cut her some slack. Neither of you will be backing down any time soon so please…she is my best friend and I don't want anything bad to happen to her. At the rate she is going…it might kill her."

"That is a little bit over dramatic, don't you think?" Van commented. Yukari said nothing.

"Is this how she is capable to keeping up with Van?" Allen asked.

"Yeah. She's been here almost every Sunday to compensate for her lack of time she has during the week. Keeping up with you, Van, is not really easy and she is not actually going to let you win…not with a long shot." Yukari answered. Neither Van nor Allen spoke a response.

Yukari entered the office and made her way towards Hitomi. As she approached, she noticed that Hitomi still hadn't looked her way. Yukari was taking it as a sign. Hitomi usually acknowledged people's presence even before she knew that they were there or if she was really busy. It was a gift. But for the past couple of months, she was drifting away from that. Yukari reasoned that maybe Hitomi was really tired and with the stress of school and of work, it was really a difficult juggling act. Although, underneath all that reasoning, she knew that real reason. She let out a breath as she continued her approach.

"Hey there, sun shine." Yukari said as she laid a hand on her shoulder.

Hitomi jumped. She almost dropped the papers she was holding. "Yukari!" Hitomi exclaimed when she realized whom tapped her. "Geez…you scared me." She added.

Yukari laughed a little bit. "Sorry. Sorry. Hey, I'm not exactly alone." She replied and then gestured towards Allen and Van by the door.

Hitomi followed Yukari's extended hand and saw Allen and Van standing there by the doorway. She inwardly gulped. She never intended Van to know that she was putting on extra hours in the office to finish her job. She feared that he might use it against her or something. Ok. She did admit that it was sort of paranoia in her part.

"Hey guys." Hitomi greeted to be polite. "If I knew that you guys would be here today, I could have brought more snacks with me."

"Nah. It's ok. So, how's it going? We didn't know you'd be in today." Allen said.

Hitomi smiled and gathered the stack she had just printed. She smiled again and handed them over to Van. "What's this?" He asked.

She smiled again and replied, "Your finished manuscript. It's good to go. You might want to check the changes I've made before I hand it over to publishing."

Van's features remained cool as he started skimming through the pages. He said nothing as he handed it back to Hitomi. She gave him a confused look. "What? No smart ass sarcasms this time?" She asked quite confused.

He stared back at her and replied, "Funny you should ask that because this time around, it came from you."

Hitomi looked back at him, taken aback. She shook her head and turned her back to start printing the next set of finished documents. "So what brings you guys here on a Sunday?" She decided to ask to make conversation.

"Nothing really. I thought they should get the idea on how you are able to keep up with work and where you disappear to every Sunday, my dear best friend." Yukari answered, making Hitomi laugh.

"How come I'm not really surprised to find out that it was your idea, Yukari? Anyway, I'm almost done here. I'll be heading out soon so that I could meet up with some people."

"What more work?" Yukari exclaimed incredulously.

"Yeah. The deadline for the latest issue of our college paper is nearing so I'm meeting up with the editorial board and we would be starting with the layout and the editing, not to mention ironing details with the publishing house." Hitomi answered as a matter-of-factly as possible, passing it off as nothing.

Yukari shook her head. She bit her tongue to stop her from saying what was in her mind. She knew that if she didn't stop herself, she might end up saying something that she shouldn't and let the guys there know something they weren't supposed to. The last thing she wanted was to lose Hitomi's trust in her.

"Well, if that is the case, I think I should get going. I have an appointment later and-"

"Make that a date." Hitomi teased, making Yukari blush.

Yukari cleared her throat and continued unfazed, "As I was saying, I have to get ready for later so I'll see you tomorrow you guys." With that, she took her leave. Hitomi suppressed her laugh.

"Hey, now that she reminds me, I've got to get going to guys and wish me luck. I'm hoping to make a good impression on my presentation later tonight. It's going to be big I tell you." Allen said, also taking his leave.

That left Hitomi and Van in an awkward silence. "So?" Hitomi started, feeling the stuffiness starting to settle in around them.

"So?" Van echoed.

"Don't you have any plans for later too?" She asked innocently.

"No. If you want me to leave, just say so." He answered quite coldly.

Hitomi turned to him. He was really testing the very end of her patience. But then again, she told herself to calm down. It wouldn't help if she lost her temper.

"You know what, I really can't get you. Either you are just trying to make me quit with your sharp antics or you are naturally a pain in the ass." Hitomi commented coolly. Her statement was loaded and she knew it. But she made it sound like a casual statement, a teasing statement to her writer.

Van smirked. "You think you are all that but you are a nobody." He answered. He quickly got up and started to leave.

"Is that so? Aww…did I hit a nerve? It looks to me like you are running away. Can't take it, can we?" She said, not looking at him. For months she was taking his crap and well, she wasn't in a mood to simply pass the opportunity in confronting him with the truth. She felt that it was time that she actually said something. It was definitely a bold move but there was no way she was going to regret this. She wasn't really sure of it but she at least had to try before her contract ended in a couple more months.

"Running away?" He answered, turning back at her. He noticed that she didn't even make an effort in looking at him. "Bull shit. The hell you know." He said.

Hitomi's smile got bigger. She then turned to face him. She looked straight into his eyes before she spoke. She wanted to get it through to him. "I've been reading your work for the past months in its raw and edited forms. I think I get you more than you get yourself. Besides, I didn't really think that you'd take the bait. If you haven't noticed, I wasn't sure but with your reaction, I have my confirmation right there. But you are right I don't know anything. And quite frankly, I don't think I ever will because you never let anyone get close to you and actually help you. It reflects in your writing and that is a fact. That is why I know. Leave if you want. I will not stop you. But before you go, allow me to tell you this…" Hitomi answered. Her smile never faded as it grew softer and more sincere. "You are only running away from yourself and you are only hurting yourself…no one else."

With that, Hitomi turned back to what she was doing, leaving a stunned Van to ponder on what he had just heard. He didn't see that coming, especially not from her. He said nothing as he turned and left her. She confused him. Now she gave him something that rattled the perfect world he built around himself. It infuriated him a lot. Who was she? What made her think that she could simply disrupt everything he had worked hard for?

(to be continued…)

I'm late in updating I know, I know…sorry…it's just one of those times of the year where it is really, really stressful and I am trying to make sure that all my requirements and responsibilities are down.

This chapter is intentionally shorter than the rest because…hehe…you'll see…

Anyway, thanks so much for reading and reviewing the previous chapters, not to mention reading this one too. I do hope that you'll take the time to press that button down there and submit a review. I would really appreciate to read a feedback from you. Thanks.

Michiko


	6. Van

Chapter 6 Van

He hopped in his car and started to drive. He was driving to a no particular destination. Van was filled with frustration and anger that he wanted to get away and cool off. He turned on his radio and played a CD, not really listening but he thought that the silence in his car was deafening. The sun was still up and it won't be down for a couple of hours more. He cursed under his breath. He knew perfectly well that he needed to resolve this new inner turmoil as soon as possible. He wouldn't be in that state if it wasn't for that insignificant girl. How dare she disrupt his perfect state? How dare she stir unnecessary emotions that he had long forgotten?

Emotions that he had long forgotten…why do they matter now? Van hadn't realized it but his grip on the stirring wheel has tightened, making his fists grow white. The past…the awful past…it seemed that it still had its hold on him even if he had turned his back and kept walking a long time ago. Now, it pissed him more that he had to deal with it again. There was no room to reason out anymore. He had to deal with it or else he felt like he was going to go crazy. The anger started to run through his veins ten fold this time. It infuriated him more and more.

It had been years. Time had already passed since things became beyond repair. It had been long over. But if that was so, how come he was really bothered now? How come he could not let it go? How come he was thinking about it when he shouldn't be?

Van took in calming breaths before letting out an exasperated one to keep his grip on indifference. Giving up, he decided to drive back to the office and give her a piece of his mind. She didn't have the right to talk to him like that, much less say those things to him. She needed to know her place. Hitomi went over the line there and she needed to know it. Somehow he just couldn't believe the guts of that girl in speaking to him like that. Now, he was definitely sure that she wasn't like any other girl he had encountered. She wasn't intimidated or stricken by him at the very least.

He couldn't help but smirk. Yes. She sure was different. He made his way back to the office, only to find it empty. Right. She did say that she was wrapping it up there earlier and she had to go somewhere else to deal with their college paper. Van went over to her desk. He saw the manuscript she had shown him earlier. It was his finished manuscript all ready to go. He picked it up and sat down on her chair and started to leaf through the pages.

His mind drifted to when he was writing the novel he was holding in his hand. He could remember that he never allowed his mind to waver on that task at hand. He simply wrote page by page by page. He never felt anything as he was writing. It was thinking more than anything else. He smirked at his accomplishment.

Van had always a gift in writing ever since he was young. It was his parents who encouraged him to write. As a child, he was introduced to the world of literature by his parents. His mother would read to him classical poetry and stories during bedtime while his father would always take him on his lap and tell the younger him stories about the world…stories from his travels…from different, exotic lands. He had always wanted to see those mystical lands but since his father couldn't bring him, he had given him a pen and encouraged him to write down a mystical world of his own so that when he got back, Van would be the one who would be telling him wonderful, unique worlds.

While their father was away, Folken and Van's mother would bring them to libraries and the museums of art and culture…bring them to places that allowed their imaginations to work. Being a poet and an artist, their mother cultivated in them their love for the arts. When she and her husband saw that the boys were inclined to literature, they encouraged them to pursue it with all their hearts.

It was the world that he and Folken grew up in. It was who they are ever since they were children. Sure they had a normal life, sports, academics, friends, adventures, but their passion for literature never wavered until they chose to enter it professionally, Folken as an editor and Van as a writer. It fitted their personalities quite well.

Oh how things have changed…how perspectives have changed. Van grew up a long time ago. He fell into this world called reality and now he has open eyes. In this new world, no one is whom he or she is when they first meet you. They change and you change. Things that happen to you are not all wonderful things as you hear during bedtime. The world isn't full of smiles and daisies. The world is harsh to those who are vulnerable. If one is not careful, it could easily take away every bit of hope one has in the body. That is just the world…reality…and Van learned that the hard way. Yes. He learned that the hard way…that's why he grew up.

It had only been two years since he changed to who he was today. It was only two years but it seemed like a whole lot more. He hadn't thought about it in a long time but with what was happening, Hitomi was stirring emotions that he thought he had buried into the abyss. She was making him think back. Because of it, Van couldn't help but feel anger…towards her perhaps because she was uncovering something that she shouldn't…or perhaps…at himself because he still hadn't completely gotten over it…or with what had happened a few years back.

Van had entered started writing professionally two and a half years back. Folken was his editor. Folken was already known in the literary world. He was already well known for his skills, not to mention, looks and personality. Everyone admired Folken. With his younger brother entering the scene, Van was expected to be of the same caliber. As expected, Van did not disappoint. He showed that he was as talented as his older brother. They were quite the tandem. It was rather a good team-up and Van's works were selling.

But for the people they worked with saw it, the head of the publishing firm they worked with, it was a good team-up, yes, but it was also very limiting. As brothers, sure they had a good relationship, personally and professionally, never crossing. They saw it as something that was ok but something else could be better. Van was used to having Folken edit all his work as Folken was used to how Van wrote. There was nothing wrong with it. Although that was it, it was only good. They wanted the two to develop on their own, not limited by their connection as brothers.

And so, Van was assigned another editor and Folken was given multiple other writers to work with. Being professionals, they complied. There wasn't much to be done anyway. Van's new editor became Dilandau Albatou. It didn't take a rocket scientist to determine that Dilandau and Folken were worlds apart. Folken was mature and wise while Dilandau was forceful and aggressive.

Van could take Dilandau's personality very easily. He could ride his different outbursts and tough-guy image. It didn't affect him one bit. Dilandau was talented as an editor too, even if his style is very opposite than that of Folken's, a style Van was used to.

As time passed, it became a little volatile. The tough-guy image that Dilandau was exuding was somehow rubbing off to Van's image publicly. Even if it wasn't entirely true, it was rubbing off. At first it wasn't entirely bad because it only showed how versatile Van was and it drew a bigger crowd than the initial mellow crowd that Van's work drew during his debut year.

It was all good until one fateful day. Things started to deteriorate when Dilandau started dating the Fanel's adopted sister, Merle. Both Folken and Van were against the idea. Merle was a teenager, young and impressionable. Van tried to talk some sense into Dilandau. He tried to talk to him very calmly. But when Van failed, he started to give him a piece of his mind frankly. Folken even started to intervene, saying that he shouldn't be dating their sister and that Dilandau's views were a little too much for her.

Being the one not to listen to what others say, Dilandau did not listen to anything the Fanel brothers were telling him. It put a strain on Van and Dilandau's working relationship. Dilandau started to get back at Van by either not editing to completely changing what Van was writing. The publisher, sensing the tension that was going on, decided to proofread everything coming from both Van and Dilandau and once they saw the material that was going to go out, they immediately stopped the works. Van was informed and he immediately confronted Dilandau.

"What the hell were you thinking?!" Van said, failing very hard from controlling his anger. He had read the manuscript that somehow Dilandau had 'butchered'. It became very different from what he had originally written. Van slammed the manuscript in front of Dilandau at his desk.

Dilandau only smirked. It only infuriated Van more.

Van reached across the table and grabbed a fist full of Dilandau's shirt before punching him hard on the face. It happened quickly that Dilandau didn't even have time to react.

Dilandau was taken aback. He certainly didn't see that coming. He knew Van was pissed but he didn't anticipate his reaction.

The whole office became a deafening silence. When Dilandau got over his shock, he and Van were going at it. Everyone seemed frozen with shock.

It was Folken who stood and broke up the fight. His face was calm and unreadable. He took a swing at Dilandau once he was able to get Van away from the man.

"You are facing me now. Stay away from any member of my family." Folken said in a clear, serious and cold voice.

No one had ever heard him speak like that to anyone.

Dilandau straightened out and roughly wiped the blood from his busted lip. He smirked. He wasn't going to be intimidated.

"She chose to be with me. She is eighteen so I don't give a damn on what the fuck you think. Just say it. You can't control your sister. That's too bad. I almost feel sorry for you." Dilandau said before grabbing his jacket and started to leave. Van wanted to kill him but Folken firmly stopped him and let Dilandau go.

Once he was out of sight, Van roughly removed Folken's grip on his arm and turned to him.

"Are you crazy?! What the hell was that?!" Van exclaimed.

Folken turned to him and answered, "That was saving your ass. You're welcome. Now cut the bullshit and let me handle this. I haven't even started yet."

"Am I supposed to be grateful? Not only was he almost successful in destroying my career but have you forgotten Merle doesn't have class today?"

As Folken processed what Van said, a chill ran down his spine. He had completely forgotten about that. He didn't need Van to say his next statement. Folken understood perfectly.

Shit. He cursed under his breath as he quickly got his car keys and he and Van followed Dilandau out. They knew he was going to pick her up. With what just happened, they both knew Dilandau was capable of doing something that they were against just to get back, regardless of Merle. They knew he was only using her.

They were stuck in traffic. Folken was trying to keep cool but he was cursing under his breath. Van couldn't remain calm. He was agitated at his seat. He had a bad feeling about it. It felt like eternity reaching home. Once they got there, both jumped out of the car and hurriedly looked for Merle. But there wasn't any sign of her. They tried calling her, but she would not answer. Both decided to go out separately to go and look for her. They tried acting like there wasn't any problem when their mother noticed how hurriedly they were acting. She was already sick. They didn't want to aggravate her condition. They tried to make her feel like nothing was wrong.

As day turned into night and still no word from Merle, Van and Folken hastened their search. Merle wasn't one who wouldn't call home, especially to let their mother know where she was or how she was doing. She knew better than that. It wasn't like her until she had met Dilandau and started this destructive relationship.

It was past midnight when they got a call from their father, telling them to head home. Reluctantly, Van and Folken headed back. The scene that welcomed them was something that brought chills down their spines. It wasn't something they were prepared to see.

They arrived with a police car up front. They walked inside and saw that their mother was hysterical while their father was trying his best to console her. Two police officers were there, hats off, trying to be as polite and sympathetic as possible.

"We will be taking our leave now, Ma'am, Sir. We are sorry for your loss." A cop said as he and his partner excused themselves.

The last statement struck Folken and Van really hard. What was going on? Their throats seemed dry. They were both afraid to ask what was wrong.

"Father…what…" Folken started but didn't know how to continue.

Their father looked up with much grief and anguish in his eyes. "Merle. She was in an accident." His voice was faltering. They saw their mother cling harder, burying her face. "She's…dead…" He said in almost a whisper.

Van and Folken could feel their knees threatening to give way. She's dead. She's dead. It was a phrase that kept repeating itself over and over again in their head.

"She and Dilandau were in an accident. It seemed that he was speeding. They are still investigating what had really happened. He died immediately while she, on her way to the hospital." Their father painfully explained.

Van clenched his fist. He hit the wall as hard as he could. So much anger and grief were mixed together that it was almost impossible to bear. He needed to hit something. But as he hit the wall with his balled fist, it didn't make anything feel any better.

Folken was frozen. He started blaming himself for letting Dilandau go. He was stupid. It was his fault. It was his fault. It was his fault. He failed to protect his family.

Going through the wake…the cremation…Van and Folken couldn't help but blame themselves for what had happened. But both kept silent about their feelings. They were grownups already and no body needed to know their business. Both dealt with their grief and anger very differently.

It wasn't long before Folken started to become himself, hiding all his real emotions and thoughts inside. He showed other people that he was back to his normal self, while Van became cooler, secretive and less trustful in his editors. He secluded his real emotions. He moved out of the family house and started pouring his time in his work. He wrote a lot and his words started to become more powerful. Soon, he had created a name for himself with this mysterious, cool image.

But the strain of losing Merle and the quiet demeanor of her sons were too much. It wasn't long before the illness spread and the mother of three too said goodbye to the world. It brought Van deeper into his new personality, locking away his openly caring and easy-going side. Their father coped by spending more and more time abroad, taking on the bottle. He had fallen from the person he was and soon got into trouble while outside the country. During one of his drunken escapades, he got in the middle of a street brawl and feel victim to it. He lapsed in a coma and soon after let go. Van and Folken brought his ashes back to Japan to bury next to the rest of their family. In the span of merely a few months, their family was reduced to two and one of them has completely changed his personality.

(to be continued…)

I'm really, really sorry for the late update. A lot of things came up that I couldn't even find the time to write. Plus, I consulted with a few guys to help me create a sort of believable guy personality. I don't know if I was successful but I did try. Anyway, hopefully that you guys continue to support this humble fic of mine. Please do review. Thanks.

Michiko


	7. Day Off

Chapter 7 Day Off

Hitomi came to the office and hurriedly went over to her desk. Yukari immediately popped her head and said, "I know you need this job but you shouldn't over do it, Hitomi. It is your day off."

"Yeah I know." Hitomi answered as she quickly moved and prepared her computer. It seemed she was going to print something. "Actually I only came in because I forgot to print a couple of things out and I have some endorsement to do. I'm skipping the next few days because of exams and a few things I need to accomplish." She added, not looking back at Yukari for even a second.

"What? You should have told me last night." Yukari said finally walking over to her side.

Hitomi let out a sigh. "I would have but I was in the middle of duty. I got home at 10. I finished editing the last of Van's files that's why I woke up late. I would have been here earlier to endorse them properly." She then checked her watch and said, hoping to keep it under a calm voice, "I am running late."

"How many files do you have to print?"

"One novel, five essays and three chapters of the last novel. Deadlines are within this week. They are done." Hitomi answered before getting up and heading towards Folken, who was then talking with Allen.

"Excuse me, Folken, Allen." Both men acknowledged her and waited for her to say something. "Folken, is it ok if I endorse Van's work to you? They are all finished and I'm printing them out now. It's just a matter of submitting them."

"Sure. No problem." Folken answered.

"You sound a little agitated and a little in a hurry." Allen commented.

Hitomi smiled at him. "Well, got plans for today and I will be out for the next few days so I'm making sure that I don't forget anything."

"Really? Have you been hiding a boy friend?" Allen teased. Hitomi laughed while Folken smirked.

"No. No boy friends. I simply have other commitments that I wish not to break. And does it matter?" Hitomi challenged.

"No. Not really. Just asking. Making sure that you are normal and not simply a workaholic."

"I'll probably agree with the workaholic part and you'll probably be surprised at how 'not normal' I am." Hitomi answered.

"Not normal? Hmm…seems logical…owing that you are the first editor who has lasted this long aside from Folken right here." Allen commented, making Folken smirk again.

"Come to think of it," Folken started. "Your dedication is something else. Why exactly did you take on this job? Don't take it the wrong way, Hitomi, but you are almost a university graduate and the course you are taking is going to open a lot of doors for you. You don't have to rush things."

Hitomi smiled at him and replied, "Well, let's just say I took on this job to buy myself a new life." She then turned to Folken again and said, "Are you sure it's alright? I hope it's not much of a bother."

"It's fine. You did say that you have already fixed everything, right?" Hitomi nodded in response.

"Please excuse me. I'll finish printing so I can endorse it properly." She said before heading back.

"There you are. The three essays are finished. I'm printing the three chapters while I started the printing of the last three chapters." Yukari said.

Hitomi hugged Yukari and said, "You are a life-saver. Thank you."

"Hey this isn't cheap. This is a free lunch right here."

"Sure. No problem. Actually I was going to ask you if you've been to Café Lauren, you know the newly opened café at the mall."

"Hey I've heard of that. I haven't gone to that."

"Then let's check it out together. My duty mates told me that their cakes are to die for."

"Really? I'll tell you what, you pay and then we'll go shopping for you."

Hitomi looked at Yukari. "Shopping for me?"

"Yeah. It's an early graduation gift."

"But my graduation isn't like for two month more."

"Yeah so? It's never too early to shop for a dress, Hitomi. Besides, your graduation ball is coming up. I can't let you not be the belle of the ball, not to mention be dateless. Now, I'm not going to take no for an answer."

"Hey how did you know about my graduation ball?"

Yukari intertwined her arm with Hitomi's and answered, "I've got my connections, Hitomi. So, how about it?"

Hitomi knew that Yukari wasn't going to let this down. She knew her best friend well enough to know that she would really make it happen even if she had to drag her to the mall so might as well go with the easier option. "Thanks, Yukari. It's a deal then. This Saturday after all my exams and obligations, you cool with that?"

"Yeah. I'm clearing my schedule on Saturday so it's settled."

Suddenly they both felt a hand on their shoulders. "Did I hear right and someone is needing a date for her graduation ball?" Allen whispered in between the two of them.

Hitomi sweat dropped while Yukari looked at Allen a little suspiciously. "Oh come on you guys. We are here for each other. We should support each other during our time of need." Allen said.

"Coming from you, it sounds a little perverted." Folken commented as he walked over and leaned against Hitomi's desk, making the girls laugh.

"Thanks for the offer, Allen, but I wasn't really planning to go to our graduation ball for personal reasons. But Yukari is making me go and is even going to make sure I have a dress for it. I was thinking that I should go alone, you know, the strong woman type who doesn't need to be in the arms of a man to fit in." Hitomi answered.

"Aww…why do you plan on skipping out? A beautiful young lady like you should enjoy events like graduation balls." Allen commented.

Hitomi smiled. She contemplated to giving him the truth, eventually she decided that she would come clean. "Financial constraints. Plain and simple."

"But I thought Yukari is making you go…is she paying-"

"No, no," Hitomi replied, laughing a little bit. "Don't miss understand. I have already set a budget on that but I was hoping that I could use that money for something else…you know…something that…well…is more important." She quickly explained.

"What is more important than enjoying yourself in a ball?"

"Hmm…let's see…it depends on how you value things. Can we drop the subject? I'm going already. Haven't you heard, Yukari is making me go."

"Alright. Alright." Allen replied. "But you know I was going to suggest making Van go with you, you know, sort of his pre-graduation gift for you since you are graduating from university and at the same time, finishing your contract here. After all you've done for him, it's the least he could do."

Everyone looked at him. "What?" He asked.

"I can't believe you just said that." Hitomi stated, not sure if she should be grateful or be disturbed with what Allen said.

"Van's not a bad choice. He's got the looks and the attitude to go with it but putting him and Hitomi together is like mixing oil and water." Yukari commented quite reflectively.

Folken refused to comment.

"Hey I heard that." They all heard Van suddenly say as he walked towards them. All turned to look at him.

"This is going to be interesting," Hitomi sarcastically remarked under her breath, making Yukari suppress her mirth.

"Van, so nice of you to join us." Allen commented as he placed an arm around Hitomi's shoulder and ushered her forward towards Van. "You see Hitomi's graduation ball is coming up and she is dateless. Now she is your editor so why don't you be a gentleman and offer to be her date? Not to mention, it will be good for your image if the public hears a whip of you being nice and cooperative towards your editor." He added. Hitomi's jaw dropped. What in the world was Allen thinking? She couldn't fathom what he was planning.

Van's expression remained cool. "Nice try."

Hitomi then slowly got Allen's arm that was around her shoulder and removed it saying, "Listen, I kinda appreciate you trying to get me a date but I don't want a date. Besides, Van is too cool and important for something a simple and insignificant as my graduation ball."

Van looked at her and his eyes narrowed. Hitomi didn't mean anything by her statement. Ok maybe she did but she honestly didn't want or need a date for her ball. The least thing she wanted was to go with someone whom couldn't even stand being around her.

"Really…I don't want or need a date. Thanks but no thanks. Besides, I don't tell people that I am Van's editor, that I am actually working with him. I don't want to cause some unnecessary gossip." Hitomi added.

"You mean all these months no one aside from us knows that you are Van's editor?" Allen commented.

"Nope. It's not like they have to know that it's me. This is only a part time thing and my contract is going to expire in a few months. I really don't see the point." Hitomi answered as she turned slightly to check her printing. Only a couple more chapters left and she was done. Yukari had already finished the other one.

"Can you just drop it, Allen? It's bad enough that you drag me into it. Don't force her to. It already is a good thing that she doesn't want a date." Van remarked.

He then turned to Hitomi, who had her back slightly against them and was placing markers on the divisions of the files before handing them to Folken.

"What are you doing here in the first place? I thought that it was your day off." Van finally said, addressing Hitomi.

Hitomi finished endorsing first before smiling at Van. She answered, "If you must know, I have finished editing everything you have given me and they are good to go. Since I won't be around for the next couple of days, I've endorsed them to your brother. Why do you care anyway? I wasn't even talking to you. Isn't that what you want? Ignoring your existence as much as professionally possible?"

"Hold on," Folken interceded before Van could reply. "Cool off, will you? Now, while she is here, I want to get this straight. These are files ready for printing, right? Maybe you would want to browse through them first before I send them off to be published?" Folken said pushing the pile of papers over to Van.

Van pushed Folken's hand back and glared at him a little. "I'll take that as a no." Folken said as he headed back to his desk and start working again.

Hitomi started fixing up her desk so that she could leave already. Yukari was helping her a little bit and was conversing with her a little. Van and Allen stood there.

Allen started talking again, "You know, Van, you can cut Hitomi some slack. After everything that you tried to overwhelm her with, she didn't back out like the others have. You can trust her, you know. She isn't like the others. You better start trusting your editor."

"Since when has that been your business? The job gets done. Isn't that what matters?" Van replied.

Allen let out a sigh. "There are times when the end doesn't justify the means, Van. Why are you so pissed off at her in the first place? She has never done anything bad against you, aside from talk back at you, which isn't all that bad because you have done nothing but talk bullshit with her."

Van clenched his fist and wanted to tell Allen off but before he could, Hitomi interrupted. She grabbed Van's clenched fist and said, "I think we should talk right now." She started dragging him out of the office.

He yanked his arm but Hitomi turned back and gave him a look that she wasn't afraid. She said in a calm but firm voice, "We need to talk. I doubt that you want the whole office to hear or are you such a coward that you don't want to hear the things I have to say?"

His eyes narrowed at her and replied, "Fine," before storming out of there, closely followed by Hitomi. The others seemed stunned at the turn of events. That was unexpected. What were they going to talk about?

(to be continued…)

There I'm being nice and uploading this chapter earlier than expected. Hehe. Well I wanted actually to upload this sooner but alas I had a lot of requirements and commitments that I needed to fulfill before I could actually sit down and write this chapter. I'm leaving it as a cliff hanger because if I started placing it and cutting it in the middle, it might well the message might get a little screwed up so I'm cutting it here. I'm not sure if it was eventful but this is my way of paving the way to the beginning of realizations and a lot of possibilities.

Thanks for reading the previous chapters, those who reviewed, added on alert, added on favorites, I appreciate it. I hope that you guys continue supporting this fic. Please do send in what you think of it. Thanks.

Michiko


	8. Setting Free

Chapter 8 Setting Free

Van followed Hitomi out. Van was too proud to make the first move. Hitomi waited until they entered the elevator and was on their way down before she started to speak again. At least there, it was only the two of them. No one else could hear. No one needed to know what they talked about anyway. She wasn't sure if Van deserved the privacy she was allotting for him but she knew better. She wasn't going to act like she didn't have any moral or manners to speak of.

The moment the elevator doors closed, Hitomi said, "Listen I know that you don't like me-"

"That's the understatement of the year." Van commented, cutting her off.

She took a calming breath, reminding herself that it wasn't worth losing her temper over. "Fine. Then tell me exactly what that is an understatement of the year."

Van was silent. Hitomi refused to say anything else. Silence enveloped them all the way down. When the elevator doors opened again, Hitomi said before walking out, "Can't even answer that…you know what I tried for once letting my pride go and asking you directly what it is that you hate about me but you can't even understand that. Honestly, I thought that once my contract was over, I'd miss working with you. But now I'm not so sure. You probably really are a major pain in the ass who can't let anyone in to help."

Without another word, she started walking away. Van couldn't understand but those very words hurt. They had hurt more than he had expected. He was compelled to talk her down but something was preventing him from doing exactly that. He knew that she was right. He hadn't treated her any kindly for anything. He can't even answer why.

Totally out of character, Van quickly held the door before it closed and ran after Hitomi.

"Hey Hitomi wait up!" He said. Hitomi stopped walking and turned back a little, quite surprised. When she saw him coming towards her, she let out a sigh and stared walking again, not really caring if he had already caught up or not. If it was one of his somewhat sick jokes, she didn't know if she still had the strength to deal with him. The act was getting tiring. She simply wanted to know why he was so hostile with her. What happened earlier at the office pushed her a little too much.

It was true that she wasn't attracted to him romantically or anything but with her contract finally ending soon, she wanted to at least leave on a good note, with at least friendship in hand rather than hostility. She could admit though that somehow getting on Van's nerves was fun. Although, most of the time she felt bad that it was the only way she knew how to get him to work with her, even if he would never admit to that openly.

"So it's 'Hitomi' now not 'girl' or some other name you always call me with?" She said when he was walking beside her.

"You wanted to talk. Let's talk."

"I already gave you a chance. I don't have time right now. If you haven't noticed, I'm late. I've got somewhere I need to be right now."

"That's all right. How long will it take you? If you want to talk, I will wait."

Hitomi stopped walking. "Ok what are you up to? Is this some sort of joke?"

Van stopped and replied, reminding himself to keep cool, "This is not a joke. You said you wanted to talk. Now let's talk. You said you can't right now. I'm telling you that I will wait and now you are telling me that you think I'm joking. Make up your mind will you."

Hitomi shook her head a little and started to walk off again. Van caught her arm and said, "Look I'm…I'm sorry."

She turned back, quite stunned. Her eyes softened when she saw that he was sincere. "Why don't you come with me? It might help you take your mind away from the usual things."

XxXxXx

They stood in front of a small house. It was an orphanage. Hitomi had led Van outside Tokyo, taking the bullet train to get there. Van was rather surprised that she had led him there. She hadn't said anything about an orphanage. She hadn't said much on the way there. Hitomi, on the other hand, felt somewhat nostalgic. It was a place close to her heart.

"An orphanage?" Van asked as he was led inside by Hitomi.

"Yeah. It seems like everybody is already at back. Come on." She answered as she slightly smiled at him and continued to go out back.

Van looked at her. He saw this humble determination and light mood around her. He had to admit he was curious at how she could not have any anxiety or show any signs of tension, especially after what had happened earlier at the office.

"Hitomi-chan!" an elder nun called out, snapping Van from his thoughts. He saw Hitomi's smile broaden and go to the open arms of the nun. She was given a very warm hug.

"I'm sorry I'm late, Sister Kaoru. I got held back at work." Hitomi replied. The elderly woman only gave her a wide smile before looking back at the companion Hitomi brought along.

"And who is this fine, young gentleman?" The nun asked, smiling at Van. He stepped forward and bowed in greeting.

"This is Van Fanel, Sister. He's a friend of mine. I brought him along, if you don't mind." Hitomi said, briefly exchanging eye contact with Van.

"Yes, of course, of course. Come on, you two." She said as she started ushering Hitomi and Van towards the group of children and nuns at the garden.

Hitomi left her purse on a chair near the entrance as the kids saw her. Her smile broadened a little as they started running towards her. She knelt a little bit and opened her arms.

"'Tomi 'ne-chan!" Young children called out as they gave Hitomi a hug. The bigger kids simply smiled and welcomed her as well.

"How are you guys?" Hitomi said. "You've all grown bigger." As she was standing up, a toddler was reaching up at her, wanting Hitomi to carry her. Hitomi smiled and carried her.

"We thought you wouldn't be able to make it, 'ne-chan." A young boy said, pouting a little bit.

"I promised I'd be here, right? Besides, I wouldn't miss your birthday." It seemed to lighten the boy's spirit as he started to lead Hitomi and the others to the rest of the nuns.

Van walked beside Sister Kaoru as they joined the others. Van couldn't help but keep his eyes on Hitomi. He never would have guessed that she was involved in an orphanage like she was. He never would have guessed that she was good with children. He never would have guessed that kids were drawn to her smile…her kindness…and he never would have guessed that he would eventually be curious enough to take the time to look.

"So, Van, have you known our little Hitomi long?" Sister Kaoru asked.

"Only for a couple of months, Sister."

The elderly nun looked at him, a knowing smile on her lips. She was watching him looking at her. She knew and understood something that perhaps those two didn't know about.

"Take care of her, young one." She commented, making Van look back at her. Sister Kaoru smiled and then looked at Hitomi while she was playing with the kids and the other nuns. "She has gone through a lot. She still is. I can see you have a good soul around you, young one…perhaps a little lost but still good."

"Forgive me, Sister, but how can you tell that I am still good when I am far from that?"

Sister Kaoru laid a hand on his shoulder and said, "My son, you still a lot of goodness in you. My little Hitomi wouldn't waste her time if she truly believed that you aren't. Even if you are truly a lost cause, she still wouldn't have given up on you. If you haven't noticed, she loves life and she does everything she can to grasp it. In the process, she wants others to share it too." She looked at him and added, "I only ask that you take care of her, Van."

Van was speechless. He never expected to hear that. Did she confuse him of having feelings for Hitomi? She was just someone he worked with. He had treated her rather badly for a long time and he wasn't even sure if he liked her. But he did admire her because he never heard her, not even once, complain or anything.

"Hey Van! Come on!" He suddenly heard Hitomi call to him as she approached him and took his hand gently, pulling towards the crowd. Usually he would have pushed her or anyone away but surprisingly he didn't have the heart to. He had no problems with being led the way he was.

The afternoon went on and Van found himself helping out with the party. After the cake had been cut and everyone was having a piece, the birthday boy with a couple of friends approached Van. He then asked the older man, "Are you Hitomi 'ne-chan's boy friend?"

"No."

"Good. When I grow up, I want to become Hitomi 'ne-chan's boy friend." The boy said. Van couldn't help but smirk.

"If you are not 'ne-chan's boy friend, then what are you?" A young girl said.

Van's gaze drifted a little to Hitomi who was feeding a toddler and was among a group of other children. "We work together. That's all."

"You're not friends?"

"We're both too different. So we only work together." This conversation was somehow making Van feel uncomfortable.

The children couldn't seem to understand what Van really meant. The girl simply commented, "You are the first boy friend 'ne-chan brought here to meet us. She only brought Yukari 'ne-chan." Van's gaze then drifted back to Hitomi. He wondered how to make these children understand that the only reason why he was there was because he and Hitomi had to talk. But since she couldn't come with him elsewhere, he had no choice but to tag along.

XxXxXx

For the rest of the afternoon, Hitomi toured Van around the area, showing him places he never used to visit, taste food that he never tasted, discover the untold stories about the place, things that weren't usually known unless you know the area really well. They settled by the beach, by the rocks, one of Hitomi's favorite places in the world.

"So what's the deal with you, Van Fanel? I mean who is the real Van Fanel?" Hitomi finally asked. She had wanted to ask him that upfront ever since she had met him and had their first argument.

Van smirked but didn't answer. "Ok. Maybe that was too fast and inappropriate. Listen, I know you don't trust me and everything and that is fine. Let me just ask what I did so wrong, aside from irritate you, that made you hate me so much."

He was silent for a long time. She didn't want to be the first one to speak again. She waited for him. "I don't hate you…" Van finally said, but in a low voice that it was almost inaudible.

"I'm sorry…what?"

"I said I don't hate you."

"Ok. That's a start. So…what's up then?"

"It's complicated."

"Ok. We don't have to talk about it then if you are not ready to. I'll tell you my story then. But since I can tell that you have a question of your own so I'm giving you the chance to ask it first." Hitomi offered with a smile.

"You are perceptive, aren't you?" Van replied with a grin. It was the first time Hitomi saw him grin at the very least. It made her laugh a little.

"Why the orphanage? Why did you bring me there?" He asked.

Hitomi took a deep breath and answered, "It's a birthday party as you could tell. That orphanage is close to my heart. Sister Kaoru is a childhood friend of my grandmother. When my family died years ago, my grandmother started bringing me to that orphanage to let me know that I wasn't the only one going through what I was and that even if I lost everybody in a split second, I was still blessed to have a family…to have my grandmother."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"It's ok. It was a long time ago. I know they would rather me be happy than sulk around for the rest of my life. Besides, I think there is a reason why I wasn't with them in that accident. I don't know that reason but it's not enough of to stop living."

"How did your family die?"

"My parents and infant brother…it was raining…I had a recital in school…" Hitomi started saying. It was still hard explaining after all those years. Van could tell it too. He wanted to tell her that it was ok to stop but he could also tell by the look in her eyes that she wanted to. "The roads were slippery and my father was speeding because he wanted to be there in time for me. One thing led to the other and before I knew it, I had to say goodbye. I was in the second grade then. I didn't fully understand what the meaning of death was."

She looked at him and smiled. "Something happened to you in the past. It was enough for you to close your heart. There's nothing wrong with that because it is only a natural coping mechanism. Although I will say it again…you are only hurting yourself. I don't know what happened but you are running away. You will only keep running if you don't face it. Shouldn't it be already time for you to allow yourself to be truly happy?"

Van contemplated on her words. They made sense. She was the first person who actually told him that upfront. He had heard his brother and friends tell him that all the time but they seem to not get the deeper meaning of things like the girl in front of him now. Without him telling her anything, she was able to truly understand him in a way that is liberating…like he was allowed to hope and believe again. She expressed that she didn't understand and that was ok. She was only concerned on him finding his way, not paving the way for him. It was a more comforting thought than what others have done, forcing him to see straight again.

"It's strange." Van started, looking at the horizon. "The things you said…they are nothing but the truth." It was the first time he had admitted it up front. "But how is it that you could understand all that when I have done nothing but give you a hard time ad haven't told you anything?" He said looking at her.

She smiled back and said, "I told you. It's a normal coping mechanism. Simply psych. It comes in handy, especially with my line of work. Plus, I am your editor. Your work reflects your heart as much as your intellect, no matter how hard you try to hide it."

"You really are perceptive. You know that?"

Hitomi laughed again. "That's two for two, Van. Next time I should have it on record because no one might believe me if I tell them that you gave me a compliment. But thank you for saying it."

For the first time in years, Van truly smiled. Hitomi couldn't help but feel light for at last, she saw the real Van. She saw his true self, his vulnerability and his character. It was the first step in trying to help him find his way back. It didn't matter if he still hadn't told her his story but it was enough to know that he was at least starting to trust her. By simply saying that she had told the truth about him, it was a big step in itself. It was an admittance she was waiting for.

"Hey you know what? This is my favorite place in the world. You want to know why?" She said.

"Sure."

She stood on the rock and let the sea breeze blow her hair. She let her opened her arms wide and closed her eyes. "This is where I feel free. This is where I go when I want to let everything go…to let the wind carry it away…to write my problems in the sand and let the waves erase them. This is where I feel like I am flying." She said.

Van looked up at her. For the first time, he was starting to see the amazing personality that Hitomi had. He felt drawn to her more. He stood up next to her. "You are flying…Hitomi." He commented.

She looked back at him, quite surprised. But after awhile, her smile broadened. She looked back at the horizon and shouted, "I am free!"

She turned to him and said, "Come on, Van. Try it. It will feel a lot better and lighter. You have been carrying your burden for such a long time, come on. Try it."

"I don't know…"

"Oh come on. Don't be self-conscious now. Come on. It's not so bad."

Van looked a little skeptical but as she kept smiling at him, he thought that maybe it was time he took a risk and actually allow himself to let go. Maybe it wasn't so bad to start feeling again and stop rationalizing everything…always trying to be careful.

"I am free!" Van shouted.

Hitomi smiled. Van's heart started to feel again after such a long time. The emotions that were locked up, came rushing in but this time, he wasn't going to run away. He was setting them free and letting go. Suddenly, everything felt lighter and more bearable.

He turned to her and smiled. He decided it was time to tell her his story.

(to be continued…)

I'm reserving my comment. I think the chapter can speak for itself. Please do review you guys. I want to know what you think. Thank you.

Michiko


	9. Change

Chapter 9 Change

On the way back to the station, it started raining. Van took Hitomi's hand and started pulling her to find some temporary shelter. They were able to find themselves in a small shelter, barely enough for the both of them. Van allowed her inside first and opted to stay near the outer edge. Both started to wipe as much water from them as they could.

"Are you ok?" Van asked.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Thanks. You?"

"Yeah." Van replied, wiping a few more water droplets from himself. He glanced over at Hitomi, who was rubbing her arms for warmth. Without thinking, Van removed his jacket and laid them over her shoulders, making her shocked, barely believing the new behavior Van was showing her.

"Thanks but…you're getting wet." Hitomi said.

Van smiled back and replied, "Don't worry about it. Nobody died with a little water."

Hitomi laughed. "You actually want me to challenge that?"

"Ok. Let's not tempt fate right now. Besides, the others might already be talking about where we disappeared to."

"That's where _you _disappeared to." Hitomi answered, laughing. "But I get what you mean."

Silence enveloped them as they waited for the rain to lighten up so that they could catch a train home. It was a little bit uncomfortable for some reason. Although, both secretly associated it to the fact that neither of them expected to be alone in a place like that together.

"Do you write, Hitomi?" Van suddenly asked.

"Yeah…but not as often anymore…and I haven't found the style I'm comfortable with." She answered.

"I doubt that."

She looked up at him with a questioning look. "All I'm saying is that before you know how to edit, you must know how to write first and be good at it."

"Perhaps…but not all the time. When I edit, I keep the writer or author's voice in mind. I try to stick to that as much as I can. It has got nothing to do with my style as a writer."

"Why don't you continue writing then?"

"Actually I am. Don't tell anyone, ok?" She looked up at him again and smiled. "I'm currently writing something. I haven't really thought about how to wrap it up and stuff like that yet so I haven't told anyone…well, aside from you of course."

Van was silent for a while but then chose to ask, "Why did you tell me then?"

"For one thing, you asked. And another…well, it's not like you are going to tell anybody, are you?"

He grinned. "No. Not unless you want me to." Hitomi laughed. "How come your best friend doesn't know?"

"You should know how Yukari is. It's not a question of trust. It's more a question if she's going to breathe down my back. She already thinks that I'm doing too much. Adding another agenda of mine to that list might make her a little annoying. I don't know about you but I don't want to feel guilty or regret writing it."

"Speaking of that…she seems protective of you."

It made Hitomi laugh. "We treat each other like sisters, rather than best friends. I don't know but it seems natural that way. It's like I have a new family sort of thing. She's an only child. She had always wanted a sibling. When we were growing up, I used to sleep over a lot and her home is like a second home to me…and vise versa."

"Now I think it's my turn to ask if you don't mind."

"Sure." Van replied. He had just told her everything that had happened to him with Dilandau and his family's tragedy. It was the hardest thing he could talk about. He figured that there was nothing more harder than that.

"What is it like to have an older brother like Folken? Were you always close?"

"Growing up, it was always cool to have a elder brother like Folken. It got rough most of the time but he always stuck by me during the toughest times. He fought a lot. We still do. Folken was my idol growing up. I remember wanting to be like him since he had this way of making people like him. I remember he was always had a lot of girls falling all over him. He's always one of the talented ones, not to mention intelligent. It was pretty hard following his footsteps."

"So you paved your own?"

"You can say that."

"But I think you turned out like him just the same, Van. Girls are falling all over you and a lot of people admire you for your looks and talents." She teased.

"I can challenge that."

"Ok how?"

Van looked at her straight before asking. "Do you like me _that _way?"

"No."

He grinned. "I rest my case."

Hitomi smiled back. "I should have known…" She looked up at the sky and noticed that the rain was lighting up. "It looks like it's finally lighting up. You want to make a run for it?"

"I don't know this place too much and correct me if I am wrong but isn't this still far from the station?"

"Yeah. But there is a convenience store nearby. We could get an umbrella and head to the station after."

"Stay here then." Van said as he ran out into the rain.

"Van, wait!" Hitomi called out but he didn't stop to look back. She contemplated if she should follow but it looked like the rain was going to pick up again soon and she couldn't risk getting sick. It would be a devastating blow if she did. All she could do was wait and see what Van was planning.

After a while, Van returned with a big umbrella in hand and holding a plastic in the other. He handed her something warm to drink and said, "Come on. Now we can get to the station in one piece. Let's get you home."

"Thank you."

"No problem."

XxXxXx

It was already late in the evening when they were able to get a train home. Hitomi had called her grandmother to let her know everything. She knew that her elderly grandmother was getting really worried about her. She wasn't sure if she should be letting Yukari in on what happened the entire afternoon just yet. She was afraid that her best friend might freak.

On the train back, Hitomi was sitting by the window side, watching the scenery pass. Her gaze couldn't help but drift to the stars. She couldn't help but smile.

"You miss then a lot, don't you?" Van's voice suddenly sounded, making Hitomi's smile a little bit more.

"Yes. There's not a single day that passes when I don't think of them…of how it would have been like to have parents growing up or having a younger brother around to get into arguments with or simply hang out. But I am grateful with what I have and the family I have left. At least I still have a family I can call my own." She answered, not looking back at him.

Then silence once more. Before Hitomi could realize it, her eyes closed and she drifted off to sleep. She hadn't noticed how tired she had become and the calmness that was there was enough to call her into sleep. When Van glanced over at her and noticed that she had fallen asleep, he shed off his jacket and placed it over her. Watching her slumber so peacefully made him wish he had her strength to get up and smile the way that she does. She had been suffering for a lot longer than him yet she lives with much happiness and warmth. Perhaps that was why he acted the way he did…he envied her happiness…

He remembered her words earlier, "I don't expect that you change the way you treat me right off the bat. You may treat me a little cold at work. That's ok. At least now I know that you are starting to trust me. That's all I need to know actually."

They both knew that things can't be the total opposite of how they were immediately. Things like that needs gradual change. Hearing her say that it was ok and all of that made him feel that she does understand him. It really was going to be alright.

XxXxXx

At the office, no one noticed that the tension between the two was disappearing at first. But when things got a lot quieter and Van was cooperating more with Hitomi, they knew that their talk must have been one that set boundaries. They tried asking both of them what they talked about but neither would say anything. Hitomi would simply smile while Van would shrug it off. Even Yukari couldn't get it out of Hitomi. All she would answer her was that it was Van's secret and she didn't have the right to say anything about it behind his back.

Van's work started to change. Hitomi could tell that slowly, Van was opening up. His already powerful words were becoming more in depth, meaningful that it was almost hard to imagine that the writer she met a couple of months back was the same writer whom she was working with right now. But Hitomi knew that he still had far to go. There were still things keeping him back. He still had a firm grasp on his voice that the full extent wasn't still coming out. She couldn't complain though. He was making progress and it was better than no progress at all.

Before long, Hitomi's last two months were almost up. Hitomi had a week of work left. One afternoon, she excused herself to go to the comfort room for awhile but Yukari had grabbed her arm and started to drag her back.

"Close your eyes, Hitomi." She said.

"Huh? Why?"

"Just do it, 'tomi-chan." Yukari insisted. Hitomi let out a sigh and did as she was told. She knew that her best friend was up to something and it was wiser to go along with it. With the direction they were going, Hitomi could tell that she was being led back to the office.

"What are you up to again, Yukari?"

They had stopped walking and she felt a set of hands on her shoulders. She heard Yukari whisper, "Go on, Hitomi. Open your eyes."

Hitomi did as she was told and did a double back. There was a wonderful spread and everyone was there. "What's all this?"

"This, my dear Hitomi, is sort of a party for you. Since you are finishing in a week and this is the only time where you are actually going to be with us the entire day, might as well make the most out of it." Yukari said.

"Oh…wow…thanks you guys. This is unexpected." Hitomi said, blushing a little bit.

It was a modest celebration for one of their own. They truly made her feel that she belonged there…she was one of them. It was a wonderful gesture for Hitomi as she felt that even if she only got to work with them for a short span of time, it felt more.

"You know you can always renew your contract, Hitomi." Allen said.

Hitomi smiled and said, "Well, we shall see."

"So you are really going to practice nursing after you graduate, then?" Millerna asked.

"Yeah. I would like that very much but like I said we shall see."

"You haven't decided yet?" Dryden said.

"It's not that. It's-" Suddenly, pain shot through Hitomi's body. _Damn it! I missed my shot. _The pain was starting to get more excruciating. Everyone seemed alarmed.

"Hitomi, are you ok?" Yukari asked.

"I'm going to call an ambulance." Folken said.

"No…that won't be necessary…" Hitomi quickly said through the pain. She then turned to Yukari who was sitting next to her and said, "The small bag…in my hand…I placed it on top of my desk. My medicine is inside. Please get it for me." Without another word, Yukari went over to her desk to retrieve the small bag while Hitomi closed her eyes to keep herself from screaming in pain. This was the worst pain she had felt in a long time. She inwardly cursed since she was unable to prevent it from happening. She was doing a good job at it for the last couple of months and she slipped in the end.

Yukari sat beside her again. Getting the bag from her, Hitomi's trembling hands were shaking as she opened it and took out a syringe. It was already pre-filled and ready for use. She had prepared it before she left home. Everyone's eyes flew wide open upon seeing it.

"It's no use…my hands are shaking…" Hitomi commented. Yukari was about to say something when Hitomi removed the cap and in one smooth, quick motion injected herself in her thigh even with her pants on. Slowly, she injected the contents intramuscularly.

She was still panting, controlling the pain through deep breathing as she sat back on the couch and the syringe fell from her hand. She closed her eyes and willed the pain away as she waited for the medicine to take effect.

"Hitomi…" Yukari started as she stared from the vial in her hand and unto her best friend. "This is morphine…this is stronger than the usual medicine you are taking…in how much pain are you?"

(to be continued…)

Reserving my comments once again coz I might divulge something I'm not supposed to just yet. Thanks for reading this far. If you will be so kind enough as to press that little button down there and send in what you think, I would really appreciate it. Thanks.

Michiko


	10. Keep Smiling

Chapter 10 Keep Smiling

"This is morphine…this is stronger than the usual medicine you are taking…in how much pain are you?"

Hitomi clenched her jaw together. That was the very question that she was avoiding for the past couple of months now. It was going to be impossible not to answer that now. She knew that she had to. It wasn't according to plan but she knew that she no longer had a choice on that one.

"The pain is nothing. Please don't blow things out of proportion. Yes. The medicine I am using now is stronger since the previous one wasn't working anymore." She answered.

Folken knelt in front of her. His eyes burned with much concern. "Hitomi, what do you have?" His voice was calm but still it was filled with uncertainty and fear.

Hitomi looked into his eyes and knew that she couldn't lie. She wanted to pass it off as nothing but they do deserve an answer from her. "I'm sick as you can see…it's…I have…leukemia…"

Everyone gasped, couldn't quite make themselves comprehend what she had revealed. Van's mind was spinning as her words kept repeating itself in his head. She was sick and the sickness was just…he didn't need to be told that it meant cancer. Hitomi with cancer…how…why…who could have guessed that she had that? She always looked happy and strong. How could anyone have know…that she was dying…

"When you asked me why I came to work here, you probably thought that I was joking when I told you that I came to buy myself a new life. It's not. The money I am earning here is going to pay for my operation in two weeks. I am literally going to buy myself a new life…that's why I didn't want to go to the graduation ball…I need the money to save my life."

"But you didn't tell me that you are becoming this bad, Hitomi. I wouldn't have agreed to this." Yukari said. Tears started to flow from her eyes.

Hitomi smiled at her and embraced her best friend. "No tears, Yukari. Please don't cry. I am alive and if I am going to die, I won't die without fighting back."

She broke the embrace and smiled again before saying, "You know what the doctors said when I told them I would be working? They told me that I won't survive the stress…that I can't do this. But look at where I am now? Almost a year has past and I am still here. I proved them wrong. Now I will continue to prove the odds wrong. This is supposed to be a fun time so no tears. See? I'm not crying. I will finish things here as I set out to do. I will graduate next week. I will even go to the graduation ball. Then I am going to have that operation. Hopefully, everything goes well and I would be given another chance to live. I don't have regrets so there is nothing to be sad about but much to rejoice for."

"I should be the one comforting you and not the other way around…" Yukari commented, trying to get a hold of herself.

Hitomi started laughing. It seemed that she was the only one capable of laughing at that time. The others were still in the state of shock. They still couldn't accept the truth. "Yeah well things turned out this way. I almost made it but I tripped over and now all of you know. Perhaps it is better this way…but I would have wished to have been able to spare all of you this."

"So you weren't planning on telling us, were you?" Van said.

"Let me ask you this before I answer that…" Hitomi answered, looking at him and standing up, keeping her hand on the couch for support. "Would you have treated me any differently…normally…just like everyone else…if you all knew what I have? Or would you always look over your shoulder to check if this was the moment I would just drop and die?" For the first time, Van saw this pain and fear in her eyes. For the first time, he saw her vulnerability. He couldn't answer.

"I didn't think so. Call it pride but I chose not to say anything or hint anything because I wanted to be treated like everyone else. I don't want to be treated for what I have. If this is going to be my last days here, I don't want others to pity me because there is nothing to take pity on. I am not going to let this disease define me. I would rather choose my path and see how far I can go without any regrets. Perhaps that is selfish but that is all I have left…I'm not afraid to die. I'm much more afraid of living with regrets."

Van's eyes softened a little bit at her. They weren't accusing but rather full of understanding. "Hitomi…it's ok to cry…if you are afraid…" His voice was soft and comforting.

Hitomi closed her eyes and bit her lip. After composing herself, she replied with a small smile, "All my tears have dried up. I am through feeling sorry for myself and questioning why this had to happen to me."

XxXxXx

"Come on Hitomi. Let me take you home." Yukari offered when they were all headed home.

Hitomi smiled back and said, "Thanks but no thanks, Yukari. If you don't mind, I'd rather walk."

"But-"

"This is probably one of my last chances to walk home for awhile and I was planning of visiting something before heading home." Hitomi cut Yukari off as when she was about to argue back.

Reluctantly, Yukari agreed.

"I don't think you should go on alone, Hitomi." Millerna said as she was putting on her over coat.

"I'm fine. It's not like I haven't done this before." She answered stubbornly.

Dryden couldn't help but laugh and lay a hand on Hitomi's shoulder. "You are really a stubborn one, aren't you?" It made Hitomi smile. "I have no doubt that you are going to live a long life but I will have to go with Millerna on this one. With what happened a couple of hours ago, it's better that you aren't alone until you have your operation and get back on your feet."

"It's really ok. I don't want to trouble anyone." Hitomi insisted.

"It's no trouble, Hitomi. We want to make sure that nothing bad happens to you." Millerna answered with a smile.

"I would accompany you if I could but Folken and I have to get these to the publisher and finish the contracts." Allen said as he and Folken approached.

"Yukari had already left. Who was that calling her just now?" Millerna said.

Hitomi laughed and commented, "Her on again off again boy friend. It seems that they are on again." Millerna shook her head.

"I'll accompany her." Van suddenly said as he placed his jacket on and was walking towards the group.

The others stared at him, unsure that they had heard right. Was he really volunteering to accompany her? Hitomi simply smiled. Hitomi and Van didn't seem to find anything wrong with the picture though.

"No. It's ok. Really." Hitomi kept on insisting.

"I'm not taking no for an answer. You heard what they said. We're all in agreement with this one. You shouldn't be alone not with you suddenly being attacked by pain."

"Well that's settled then. Van, take care of her. Make sure she gets home safe." Millerna said turning away to leave followed by Dryden.

They didn't give Hitomi time to protest. Allen and Folken followed suit and left. Hitomi let out a sigh and followed Van to the elevator. He hit the basement and Hitomi spoke up, "You really don't have to do this."

"Watch me." She let out another sigh. "Why didn't you tell me of what you have, Hitomi?" He then asked. His voice was serious yet gentle.

"I already told you why."

"But why? Don't you think that we could at least help you even in a small way?"

"I appreciate the thought but I don't regret the things I did. I believe that they were right. It's not that I am not grateful for the help…it's just…all I want is to be normal…be like everybody else…it's hard to do that if people keep treating you as the girl with cancer."

"Everything you have done…pushing yourself too much…you are killing yourself…"

"No. That is living, Van." She looked at him and smiled.

XxXxXx

Inside Van's car, it was rather silent. It wasn't awkward though but rather comfortable. They had just come from the park where it was quiet and the beautiful night sky could be clearly seen. Van had wondered at first why she wanted to go there. When she only smiled at him and told him that her parents used to bring her there as a child, he somehow understood why she was draw to the place. It was there was Hitomi had let her guard down and allowed the tears to overwhelm her.

Van was scared seeing her like that. He wasn't used to seeing her so hurt and down. But as he looked at her and tried to comfort her in his arms, he also felt in awe. It wasn't easy doing what she was. It wasn't easy keeping a happy, strong front to pass as someone normal. It was hard hiding what she really had especially if the pain was excruciating.

When they arrive in front of Hitomi's house, she smiled a little bit and said in a low voice, "Please don't tell Yukari I broke down. She's already on edge as it is."

"I won't. I promise."

"Thank you. And thank you for my unexpected shoulder to cry on."

"It's ok."

"Well I guess this is my stop. I'll see you tomorrow at work." As Hitomi was about to leave, Van held her arm.

He said, "Wait…"

She only looked back at him. She wondered what it was that he wanted.

"You don't have to come to work. You've pretty much finished everything. We both have. Don't stress yourself too much. You will be coming from school, right?" His eyes showed concern.

She smiled. Even if he had already allowed her to see who he truly was, it was still hard to get used to the new Van. "It's part of my contract, Van. There is nothing I can do about that. I still need to report to work even if it is only for a couple of days more. I can always study there if I don't have anything else to do to pass the time."

"It is a brave thing you are doing. Not everyone can do what you are doing."

Hitomi could only smile. It was the first time Van actually took the time to comment something good about her. With that, she felt his hand loosen on her arm.

"Good night, Van."

"Good night, Hitomi."

XxXxXx

"Hey," Yukari started as she and Hitomi were looking through a rack of dresses in the mall. Hitomi only looked up from the other side and looked inquiringly at Yukari. "What's the deal with you and Van? Don't tell me you are actually falling in love with him?" She said.

Hitomi looked back quite surprised. She couldn't help but laugh. "What are you talking about?"

"Well you two seem a lot closer now. For the record, I'm not the only one who has noticed."

"Look," Hitomi started after shaking her head. "It may seem that way because he finally trusts me. He's an interesting person…a lot of mysteries and secrets…I'm finally understanding the reason behind the words…the style and the grasp it can have on people. It's impressive really how he could do that…although, he is still far from opening up his true potential as a writer."

Yukari looked at her best friend. "Ok let's rephrase the statement. Van has never trusted anyone after Dilandau, much less a girl. I'm no expert but I think _someone _is falling in love with you."

"Ridiculous." Hitomi answered, waving it off.

"Mark my words, my dear best friend, I am betting every last cent I have. I am right on this one."

"Whatever. That's not going to happen and like I said, ri-di-cu-lous."

XxXxXx

Van was staring at the blank document on his laptop. It had been blank for the past couple of hours. He still couldn't figure out what he was going to write about next. He knew that this was going to be his first project without having Hitomi as his editor anymore. He couldn't help but wonder what else could he write about? Over the past months, he had exhausted every possible topics and genres, mainly due to his bet with her. Now…his mind refused to work…

XxXxXx

"I still can't believe that she has leukemia." Dryden commented as he placed his bottle of beer down at the table. He, Folken and Allen were drinking beer and hanging out.

"Yeah. I know what you mean. She hid it so well. How could we all have known?" Allen answered.

"The question is," Folken started, the two men looked at him. "How could we have not known? We all saw her determination. Yukari did warn us that she would be different…delicate when she made that bet with Van. Yukari asked us to help her keep an eye on her. How could we have not put two and two together and realize that there was something wrong with the picture?"

The two men reflected on what Folken had said. It was true. It hit them when they realized that Folken was right. How could they have not known? Not all signs were covered up. It was there in plain sight and they still didn't get it.

"Anyway, we can't do anything about it now. She is fighting for her life and for that my view of her had completely changed. I think you will agree with me on this one. We all know that she is different since she never backed out on Van and went head to head with him. But doing that with what she has…I doubt that there is a right word to accurately describe it." Folken said.

"Yeah. What she did is amazing…simply amazing." Allen commented.

"You can call it amazing but I don't think that word does it justice." Dryden answered.

After thinking awhile, Allen said, "Let's do something for her."

"Like what?" Dryden asked.

Folken looked at Allen. He could guess what was going through his friend's head. He could tell what he was planning to do.

(to be continued…)

Hmmm…overly dramatic I think but it had to be this way. And well I'm planting the seeds to make everything come together…it's sad to say but the end is near and well you shall soon find it out with me. Thanks for reading this far. I do hope to hear from you. Thanks again.

Michiko


	11. Secrets and Surprises

Chapter 11 Secrets and Surprises

_I can't believe that I am actually here…graduation. I am here standing in line with people, some I never expected to be friends with, finally reaching our dreams. I can feel the jitters already I've waited for this moment for such a long time. Actually being here…I feel nervous but at the same time excited. All that matters right now is that I am here. I've reached my graduation. I will be holding my diploma in a couple of minutes. _

_I can't believe that this is actually happening. It seemed like a distant thing only a couple of months back and now here I am. I will at least know how it feels to hold that diploma in my hand. No regrets right? A couple of days ago the entire college found out what I have…_

_I am still wondering how they found out. I wouldn't even hint about this much less say anything about it. How? Hmm…right now I really don't have the time to figure this out. There's no turning back. They found out. There's no way of erasing that now and well…I'm already having the operation in a few days so…I think I'll let this be. _

_Then I heard my name called. For an instant, I froze but then as if controlled by something I can't explain, I couldn't help but smile as my feet started to take to where our Dean was waiting to hand over my diploma. I couldn't hear anything or see anything but our College Dean and that diploma as I walked on stage. I walked and when I got near I reached out. Soon I felt that diploma passed on to me and our Dean got my hand and started shaking it. She had a big smile waiting for me. I could see her mouth congratulations. I smiled back. I've dreamt of this moment for such a long time…seen it in my dreams forever that I was afraid that this wasn't real. I then turned towards the crowd as we have practiced and bowed. That was the moment I heard the intense applause and noticed that people have stood up. I bowed before I exited the stage. On the way out, I felt so light that it really didn't seem real anymore…like I was in one of my dreams again._

_When I got to the other edge, my friends gave me a big hug. I felt tears of joy welling up in my eyes but I won't let them out…I don't want to let them go. I want this feeling to stay with me forever. _

_All the names have been called and so the speeches of the top honors were to start. I am not top of my batch but I have worked hard to at least belong to that specific group. I am proud to say that even through all the hardship and bitter trials I went through, I have earned 'cum laude'. It is not the highest honor but it is an honor that I can be proud of achieving especially if this is the last time…this is my gift to my family._

_As I waited my turn to go up there, the piece I've practiced over and over again ran through my mind. But due to the advent of how things turned out and how the others found out what I have, I knew that the piece I had prepared isn't appropriate anymore. I haven't even prepared a good one but I will leave what will happen next to fate._

_My name was called and once again I stood and headed up the stage. As I stood before the crowd, only the podium in front of me separating me from them, I placed the paper I had in my hand down. It was a copy of my speech. I don't know why I even bothered bringing it when I knew I wouldn't be reading it. I took a deep breath and spoke. This is the most terrifying thing I had to do but that this time…I can be proud of myself._

"_Good afternoon. I have prepared a speech for this day and have practiced and memorized it but I know if I delivered it now…it will somewhat lose insight and its real meaning. I know that you are all aware of what I have. It's true. I have cancer but not in its late stage. When I found out…I wanted it all to end…I asked why…what I did that was so wrong to deserve this…I knew I had to go through all the five steps of grieving but I was stuck at depression. _

_Then I remembered why I entered this College, the first moment I walked through these doors, the first moment I went on hospital duty and actually helped someone feel better, the first moment I reached out to a terminally ill patient and saw the courage she had to keep fighting…that's when I remembered that yes, hope is not lost. _

_At that moment I realized that as a nurse, we have the responsibility to care for our patients. For a long time before that, I thought that by caring for our patients, all we need to do is teach them to be strong again, not just physically but emotionally, spiritually, mentally. I thought it was a one way thing. But as I thought and reflected, they are the ones who taught me to be strong and to fight this._

_I look at you, my peers, the laughter and the struggles we all went through and still keep steadfast to reach this day…that is why I am here with you because like you, I believe in my dreams and worked hard to grasp it. Now, as we hold our diplomas in our hands, we can finally shout to all the world to hear that we made it! _

_But this is not the end of our journey. This is only the beginning. There is much more that will happen to all of us as we continue to live. As we now go beyond the four walls of our beloved alma mater, please remember that nothing is impossible if you believe. If you can't find it in your hearts to believe because life seems so rough and daunting, then let others help you find your way or you can look up at the heavens. _

_People instantly think that cancer is fatal. We all know the statistics so it is a normal instinct to think along that line. But cancer, for me, is simply a word…a disorder like any other we have studied and encountered during our clinical exposure. By believing such, I found the joy of living each day to the fullest as if it were my last. My friends, I do not know what else I could give you as a graduation gift that will help you in your careers but I will give you this message I have learned because of what I have…do not fear death because it is inevitable. Fear an unlived life full of regrets._

_Living life is the toughest thing in this world. It's up to us to decide how we take it and use our time here. We only live a moment once so make most of it. But don't worry about that just yet because right now it is our graduation. Hold your head up high and be proud of what we have all accomplished because not everyone can do what we do. Savor this moment and congratulations."_

_With that…as I walked away and they applauded…my precious secret was no more and I bid my college life goodbye._

XxXxXx

"I can't believe that you actually talked me into this…" Hitomi commented as Yukari and Millerna were busy helping her fix up for her graduation ball. Yukari was fixing her hair while Millerna was helping Hitomi with her make-up.

"When will you learn, 'tomi-chan, that I will never allow you to miss out on something as important and big as your graduation ball?" Yukari replied.

"Now will you hold still while we finish up? We will have you look like a princess. We are not settling you not being the belle of the ball." Millerna said.

Hitomi let out an exasperated sigh. She knew that even if she tried to argue with them, she will surely lose. There was no way out of this.

"Will you at least let me see how it is going? I already love the dress and I think I would want to like how my hair and make-up is too before I step out of this room."

"Aww…don't you trust us, Hitomi?" Millerna teased.

"Like what Millerna said, we will make sure that you look like a princess. Don't worry. We will be finished soon." Yukari answered, making Hitomi sigh again.

After awhile, Millerna and Yukari took a step back and smiled, appreciating the work they have done.

"Can I look now?" Hitomi asked, quite embarrassed having both women looking at her like that. Both Yukari and Millerna nodded. With that, Hitomi turned around to face the mirror. What she saw completely surprised her. It wasn't like anything she had expected. Millerna applied a bronze, barely there make-up and a natural colored eye make-up that accentuated her beautiful emerald eyes. Her long blond hair was styled in soft curls, gently pulled back in a loose pony tale.

Everything went well with the golden tube gown she and Yukari had shopped for a couple of weeks back. The simple dress had roses sewn on the back waist while a part of the dress designed to be long and attached to a piece of jewelry that Hitomi wore as a ring. The ring was then attached to an elaborate bracelet with emerald gems to go with her eyes. Simple but elegant, Hitomi was made into a princess.

"Wow…" Hitomi said under her breath as Millerna and Yukari stood beside her. "Thank you, you guys. I never expected this. I take it back. I should have trusted you guys." She added.

"Well Princess, something is still missing." Millerna whispered. Hitomi looked at her with a inquiring look. Millerna only smiled and headed for the door. She opened it and Dryden was there. He bowed and walked inside.

"You look amazing, our lovely little Princess. I'm here to escort you to your next destination." Dryden said as he offered his hand to Hitomi.

She was apprehensive in accepting. She knew something was up. Her friends had something up their sleeves. She glanced over at Yukari and Millerna who only smiled and urged her to go on. Taking in a deep breath, she looked back at Dryden and accepted his arm. He then led her out.

"Dryden," Hitomi said as she allowed him to lead her down the hall of his and Millerna's home and around the corner. "What's going on?"

"It's a surprise, dear Princess. We are all just making sure that this night is perfect and memorable for you." Dryden answered as he looked down at his side at her. He then stopped and got something from his coat. It was a golden eye mask.

"Fine Princess, I present to you your mask for your masquerade ball." He said.

Hitomi was speechless. She could only smile and thank him. She gave him a hug, still quite couldn't believe the fairy tale she was now in.

At the end of the hall, they were met by Allen. He bowed upon seeing them. Dryden then passed Hitomi to him and bowed.

"Dearest Princess, I present to you this white rose bracelet." Allen said, as he placed the rose bracelet with diamonds and green emeralds to accentuate it around Hitomi's left hand. "Pure beauty and elegance. A suitable gift for one such as yourself." He added. Hitomi couldn't help but blush, especially after Allen kissed the top of her hand. He looked at her and smiled. Just like with Dryden, he offered his arm and she accepted. Allen escorted her down the stairs only to be met by Folken at the bottom of the stair case.

Allen exited and Folken bowed. He then retrieved a velvet box from the pocket of his coat and handed it over to Hitomi. She opened it and it revealed a stunning golden necklace with a simple tear drop emerald gem as it stud.

"May I?" Folken excused. Hitomi looked up at him and he smiled. He took the necklace and gently went behind her to put the necklace. "Wear this with your head up high. You deserve only the wonderful things in this life, delicate Princess. It is time to show the world your real, humble beauty."

He then offered his arm and she accepted. With what was going on, Hitomi was lost for words. She wasn't even sure if this was actually happening. She looked up at Folken to make sure that he was really there. He looked back at her as if sensing her stare and smiled back.

"Thank you so much, Folken." She said in a soft voice.

"The night is not yet over. There are still more to come. Nothing but the best for our beloved Princess." He replied. Hitomi knew that she was blushing with much happiness. More was to come? She could only guess what else they had in store for her. Her heart was beating fast. It was more than feeling like a Princess. It was more because her friends went to such lengths to do this for her.

They were walking through the garden when Folken stopped walking and bowed to Hitomi. He gave her a warm, brotherly hug. In a lot of way he had become the big brother she never had. He whispered some words to her and wished her all the best. He smiled before he left.

Hitomi stood there alone. She wondered what was going on. She was alone in the garden. As she contemplated if she should keep walking and leave, suddenly the garden came to life right before her eyes. The fountain and all the trees, shrubs and flowers came to life with vibrant simplicity that took her breath away. It was utterly breathtaking. She couldn't help but look around her and as she turned, she noticed Van standing behind her.

He smiled at her and bowed. He walked towards her and handed a rose to her. "I am here, Princess, to escort you to your ball. May I have the privilege of being the one to take you there and be your date?"

Hitomi couldn't quite come into terms that the Van Fanel was actually standing in front of her and had utter such words towards her. She smiled and replied, "I'd be honored, thank you." He smiled and offered his hand, which she took. He guided her out of the garden.

From the house, the others watched with knowing smiles in their faces. "You two did a wonderful job." Dryden commented to Millerna and Yukari. He kissed his wife.

"Hitomi deserves this. Thanks guys for making this happen for her." Yukari said as she watched her best friend, her sister leave.

"Like what I have been saying all along…a beautiful person like Hitomi shouldn't miss out on these kinds of experiences." Allen answered.

"I agree. She has worked hard to achieve what she has. This is nothing compared to what she has covertly given us and others around her. I'm sure my brother thinks that way too. He will take care of her from here on end." Folken replied.

XxXxXx

When they arrived at the venue, Hitomi could feel her heart beating fast. The ball had already started. She was actually anxious in walking through those doors. She said nothing, trying hard to hide her nerves when she felt someone squeeze her hand. She looked up and saw Van looking at her. He didn't need to say anything but by the look in his eyes, she knew that he was telling her that everything was going to be fine. She smiled and gave a small nod. She was so thankful that he was there by her side at that moment. For a moment, it didn't matter what other people would think when they find out that she went to the graduation ball with none other than Van Fanel.

When they entered those doors, Hitomi felt that all eyes were on them. Her grip on Van's arm tightened a little bit. As they descended the stairs and onto the ballroom, she could hear Van whisper to her, "It's alright, Hitomi. I'm here. All you have to do now is enjoy this evening. I won't leave your side."

"I know, Van, thank you. But how come I have a feeling they are all looking at us right now?"

"Because you are the Princess, that's why."

Hitomi glanced up at him, quite surprised at what he had replied to her. He only grinned back. She smiled and shook her head. That's right. For tonight, if only for tonight, she was in a fairy tale…a sweet dream that came to life and she was entitled to enjoy every minute of it.

Van led her to the dance floor and bowed. Hitomi curtsied and accepted Van's hand. She was surprised that he was an excellent dancer. He was smooth and gentle at the way he led her. For the first time, she truly felt happy, no worries…no pain…no cancer. It felt as if for that one night, she was free and flying.

As Hitomi looked at the man whom she now could consider a friend, she couldn't quite believe that they started out on total opposites of the spectrum. The uptight, guarded man she met was replaced with this wonderful, kind gentleman whom she would always be grateful she had met. What he gave her tonight was something she never thought would happen. In exchange, Hitomi wished him nothing but happiness. She knew that it was time that he found his happiness as well. A great part of her wished that she was still around to see it. But she will not think of that tonight. All she was going to think about was having fun with her friends and remember the night for the rest of her life.

During the course of the night, Hitomi was asked to dance by a number of guy friends. She obliged. But before long, Van came to her and led her towards the balcony. He knew that she needed to rest a bit. He knew what could happen if she over did it. Even if they were in a room full of medical professionals, he wasn't going to take that chance.

"How are you feeling?" He couldn't resist asking.

She smiled up at him and replied, "I feel amazing. A little tired but all in all…I'm happy. I'm so glad that Yukari didn't allow me to miss out on this. Also, I can't thank all of you guys enough for making it such a magical night for me." She looked up to him again and added, "I hope that you are not bored or anything. They didn't force you to come with me, did they?"

Van let out a slight laugh. Hitomi couldn't help broaden her smile. It was the first time she actually heard him laugh. "No. They did not. What made you think that?"

"Well I don't know. Maybe because the last time we were actually talking about it…well you were so adamant in not going."

"Things change."

"Yeah. Circumstances change." Hitomi stood and looked up at the night sky. She closed her eyes. Circumstances change. Starting tomorrow there was no where to go but forward. In two days she would be entering the hospital and it was up to fate to decide where she would be going next.

The emcee's voice could be heard. He said that when the clock struck midnight, everyone was to remove their masks to reveal who they are. And so the countdown began. 5…4…3…2…1. A bell rang signaling midnight. Hitomi slowly removed her mask and so did Van.

He smiled at her and said, "I know you are going to survive, Hitomi. You are one person who deserves to live."

Hitomi couldn't help but blush at his comment. As slow music started to fill the air, he offered her his hand once again and asked, "May I have this dance?" She gave a nod.

They started to dance beneath the moonlight, failing to notice that some people looked their way. Van's popularity seemed to be catching on to him now that his mask was off but he didn't notice. All he cared to think about was the amazing woman in front of him…the woman he had in his arms who had taught him a lot…especially to start living again. For that alone, nothing else mattered.

(to be continued…)

I know I uploaded late. Actually I had this chapter finished for a long time but when I started re-reading it a bit since I was struck with writer's block, I decided to delete everything start from scratch. It was really bland and dragging. I wanted this chapter to seem magical and sweet…a tone quite different for the next chapter.

Please do review. I would really like to know what you think. I would like to thank you for reading this far and like I said in the previous chapter…this story is nearing its end so I'm hoping that you continue to journey with me. Thanks.

Michiko


	12. Patches

Chapter 12 Patches

_Last night was the most magical night in my entire life. Please don't tell anyone but you know what…I have been fighting back the tears all night. Yeah. Tears were threatening to spill. They weren't tears of pain or regret but much happiness. I can't exactly remember the last time that had happened to me. The lengths my friends have done…the gifts I received…the more I am determined to win this battle…not for me but for them. I want to show them that they didn't make a mistake in putting their faith in me. _

_I will carry the feeling from last night tomorrow when I go to the hospital. I am so scared right now but I would rather not think about it. Now…I leave everything to fate…_

XxXxXx

A knock came on Hitomi's bedroom door. It was early in the evening and she was preparing her stuff for the hospital. She was fixing some things in her room, preparing what she would need and most of all…she was preparing herself for what was to come. She was really apprehensive about it even if she knew that it was the only definite way to save her life.

She turned to see who was at the door. She smiled when she saw Yukari. She was waiting for her to arrive. "Come on in, Yuri. Sorry for the mess but I haven't finished fixing up yet."

"It's no problem at all. So? How was last night? I haven't spoken to you since you left with Van." Yukari replied.

"Well, it was absolutely wonderful. I don't think I will be able to thank you guys enough for what you did for me."

"It's our pleasure, Hitomi. Think of it as a graduation gift from all of us."

"I must say though that you really surprised me. I didn't see that one coming."

"It wouldn't be a surprise if you had an idea about it, now wouldn't it?"

Hitomi shook her head and smiled. From her desk, she took out her diary and a soft-bound copy of her manuscript. She took her chair and sat in front of Yukari. She smiled again and looked at the things on her lap. They contained her soul…her life. She looked up to her best friend and said, "Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure. What is it?"

Hitomi smiled again. "I wrote this. I purposely didn't write an ending or the closing chapter. It is unfinished. You will understand why when you read it. I've gone through it over and over again but since I wrote it…I might have missed a few parts. Edit it for me or you can even ask Folken to help you, I don't mind."

Yukari took the manuscript and looked at her best friend. "What is this all about, Hitomi?"

"I wrote this, Yukari, for a lot of reasons. Just in case I don't make it, share it if you wish but do this for me so that I could leave something for my grandmother…also, for you guys. It's not perfect and it is very raw. I did not hold back. Here," She then handed her diary. "This is my diary. It might help explain why I did this story. You can read it. I leave it up to you on what you think should be done with it but in the end…please give it to my grandmother. She is suffering more than me. At least with this…she will know that I am truly happy and of course, to know that I love her."

"Please don't talk as if you are not going to make it. You've been telling us to believe that you will pull through. You shouldn't be doing this."

"I know, Yuki. I am still optimistic of the out come but I just want to be sure. I need to be sure of all the possible outcomes because I don't want to be caught off guard. I only get one shot at this. I'm making sure that I am doing this right. Please…do this for me…"

Yukari took it. For a long time, she refused to speak. She didn't know what was the appropriate thing to say. She wanted to cry and tell Hitomi that she shouldn't be talking like that but she knew and understood why her best friend needed to do that. She didn't want to think that this was going to be the last thing Hitomi was going to ask of her. She didn't want to believe that this was it. Yukari told herself that this wasn't going to be the last. She was going to do this for Hitomi.

She looked up at her ever smiling best friend and said, "You have my word, Hitomi, that I will do as you wish."

Hitomi's smile broadened as she hugged her best friend. Emotions were becoming overwhelming but she chose to keep the positive ones instead. She told herself that she will take her emotions last night and carry it until she was unconscious in that operating room.

"Thank you." She whispered.

"I'll see you tomorrow then, Hitomi. For now, why don't you rest?" Yukari said as she bid Hitomi goodbye and a good night.

XxXxXx

Yukari sat in front of her desk and started reading the manuscript. From the first page, it was different. The tone…the feel…the emotions…the characters…the setting…everything was different…more real than what Hitomi would usually do. The intensity of the words and the meaning was so great from the start of the page that she was enthralled to read more and more. Yukari wasn't a fast reader since becoming an editor. Her style of editing was to digest word per word…syllable by syllable from page 1 until the end. But reading Hitomi's untitled manuscript…she just kept on reading and reading until she reached the blank page Hitomi was talking about.

She quickly took out Hitomi's diary from her bag and started reading. Her diary was very personal. She had started writing it from when they were in high school. It talked about high school experiences…to high school crushes, graduation, dreams, ups and downs…to entering college…finding out she had leukemia…her every trials up to that day. Without another word, Yukari gathered everything again and got her keys.

XxXxXx

Yukari rang the bell. She couldn't wait to be let in. What she had was very important and she knew that it could not wait. She needed to do this. She waited rather impatiently. Soon enough, the door was opened.

"Yukari? What are you doing here?"

"You need to see this, Folken. It cannot wait." She replied.

Folken stood aside to let her in. He guided her to the kitchen where Allen and Van were. They seemed to be hanging out. They looked surprised when they saw Yukari.

"What is it?" Folken asked.

Without any hesitation, Yukari took out the manuscript and handed it to Folken. "Read this and I'll explain."

"Can't it wait until morning?" He asked.

"No. Just read it and I'll explain."

Folken said nothing as he sat and started reading. Van and Allen looked over and started reading as well. Just as Yukari, the moment they started reading, they knew what they were reading was different from what they have read. There was this pure, humble reality that simply gets you to live the story and not just make you a bystander.

When they reached the blank page, they looked up at Yukari. "The final chapter is missing." Folken stated.

"The final chapter was purposely not written." Yukari answered.

"Who wrote this? I haven't seen this before." Van asked.

"Hitomi. She wrote that. She edited it. She left it unfinished." She answered, leaving all three men to stare back at her with much surprise.

"I don't understand. Why did she leave it unfinished? She didn't even give it a title." Folken commented.

Yukari took a deep breath. She was contemplating on letting them read her journal. It was very personal. She wasn't sure if she should allow these guys to read it. "It's unfinished because the story isn't over yet. She doesn't know how it will end."

"But she is the author…the ending is up to her." Van pointed out.

"That's just the point, Van. She is saying covertly that we don't really get to decide how things end even if we author something. We may want it to go and be a certain thing but in the end, if fate tells something differently…we cannot do anything but abide the laws of nature. She is leaving the ending to us…you most especially."

"Me?" Van replied, rather shocked.

Yukari then took out her journal and shifted through the pages. They started to read. Hitomi's words rang clear…

_I decided to only return his comments with a smile. I can't believe that it was actually that bad. Van was always portrayed by the media as the most desirable bachelor in all of Japan. It was a good thing that I don't really put much attention to what is being said by the media. Then instincts were kicking in. Can he really be that bad? I wondered what could have possibly happened to him that made him the way he was. I mean, looking at Folken, I would never really think that they were related by simply looking at them. Ok that wasn't entire true. They do resemble each other. It was only their personalities that were total opposites._

_Anyway, as I was walking home, I couldn't help but look up at the stars. I stopped walking. My thoughts were far away as it was. I looked up at the beautiful night sky. It was a cloudless sky that night so all the stars glistened. I smiled as for a fleeting moment, it felt perfect. I looked up, knowing that one of those stars was my mother, my father and my brother, watching down from heaven._

_Yeah. I lost my family years before in a car accident. All I have now is my grandmother. She's an amazing and strong person. I wish I could be like her…I would even settle for half of her strength. I wonder sometimes where she gets her strength. She's the one who single-handedly brought me up._

_I lost my family when I was in elementary. I had a recital in school back then. My father was coming from work. He picked up my mom and my infant brother so that they could come to watch me together. But it was raining hard that day. I remember it well because I remember being scared of the thunder and the lightning. I was told that the roads were too slippery and well, my dad didn't want to miss my performance drove a little fast. One thing led to the other and well…I lost them that day._

_At first I didn't understand what it meant…what death meant. I mean, I was in second grade. How was I supposed to really understand that death meant the end of life? Going through the ceremonies…I don't remember crying. I only cried when they were taking their bodies off to be cremated. That's when I understood that they weren't coming back. I remember thinking at first that they were simply asleep and people came to help us wake them up. I thought they cried because they couldn't wake my parents and my brother up._

_I started living with my grandmother since then. I remember that every time I felt like crying or would wake up crying, looking for my mom, she would be by my side and sing to me to sleep. It was the same song my mom would sing to me to sleep. Before I knew it, I would be drifting back to sleep._

_Now, looking at the stars and looking back, I couldn't help but smile. So much has already happened to me and I know that there is still so much more to come. I remember the feeling of being afraid but one thing about it is that I never felt alone. _

_My thoughts then wondered back to Van. I wonder why he had such a cool heart. Even without speaking to him, I could tell by simply reading his raw drafts. It lacked so much even if his words were already so powerful in itself. Then I wondered, how come his earlier works didn't seem to have that feel? I thought that maybe his previous editor/ editors did that or if he has changed. I don't know and I most certainly can't ask him that._

_I let out a sigh. I knew I was getting no where with the conversation. He didn't get what I was really saying. I only wanted to know if my working with him would only close his heart more, which could reflect on his writing. I couldn't even vocalize my thoughts properly so I thought that it was better if I would just drop the subject._

_It's funny really. I knew my body was exhausted so naturally I expected a dreamless sleep but then again, it seems to drift back to Van. It's not anything romantic. He was so mysterious and I think it will take a while to figure out all the mysteries there is about him to fully get him to put some 'heart' into his work. I just couldn't understand how such a talented writer like him lacked the very soul that made a writer unique. Heck, I even wished that I could half of his talent in expressing in words. Perhaps he doesn't understand what he has. _

_Maybe it could help me see those things too…it will definitely help me deal with him better. I mean, if you only see the goodness in others then it helps you interact better, right? I'm having a little trouble with him and I am not ashamed to admit it. You already know why. I don't like having other people bearing a grudge against me. It's partially my fault. Oh well…I will eventually know why he loathes me, aside from the fact that I pushed him a little too far._

_Anyway, I'm glad that even though I'm totally anxious on what Van plans are, I can still be myself. I'm glad that I am not affected the way I think he wants me to be. Yeah. I think about it but I'm not intimidated into quitting. Hmm…anyway, I was thinking…what if I tried my hand on writing? I am a writer after all. Before I became his editor, I was and still am a writer. I wouldn't have gotten my position as Editor-in-Chief if I wasn't. But this time, I wanted to write freely. I wanted to write in a way where I wouldn't really think about how other people might think or feel about it. I wanted to let my emotions run free._

_Maybe when I do, I could understand the mechanics of it. When I do, I might just be able to help Van with his problem. If he won't listen to me as his editor, perhaps he would listen to a fellow writer. Right now, that is wishful thinking but hey I'm willing to exhaust all possible means to make sure that I will be able to help him and consequently, I will keep my job._

When they finished reading, they didn't need to be told that they had just read from Hitomi's journal. Neither one of them knew what to say. So much were racing through their heads. It was rather awkward but at the same time clearer in a way.

"Guys," Yukari started, finally breaking the silence. Her voice was calm and soft. "I don't know about you but I want to push this for publishing."

"Are we publishing this without her knowledge?" Allen answered. His voice was professional but somewhat cracking. He wasn't sure if this was such a good idea. He understood the gravity of her work and the meaning behind her words.

"She gave this to me earlier and gave me the freedom to share it if I wished. This is Hitomi's story. I've read it. You all have read it. I'm sure you would agree with me when I say that this deserves to be shared with other people."

"I agree with you on that but we cannot simply publish without her knowing. Plus, we can't exactly print her journal to fill in the reason as to why there is a missing chapter." Folken argued.

"I'll fix the last chapter." Van suddenly said, holding the conversation at a stand still. "Is it ok if I borrow her journal? I'll fix it in such a way that no one will know that the last chapter is missing. I will still use her words." He said.

XxXxXx

Hitomi was lying in her hospital bed. Her pre-operation preparation had begun. She was to have her operation first thing the next day and she couldn't help but feel agitated and a lot frightened. She had asked her grandmother to go home for the night. She knew that with her grandmother's old age, she wouldn't be able to truly get some rest if she stayed there at the hospital with her.

It was a bit too much of a push, Hitomi knew, but aside from it was going to be for her grandmother's sake, it was also for her own. She wanted some time alone before the operation. She didn't want anyone…any of her loved ones to see how scared and vulnerable she really was. It took a long time to make them believe that it was going to be alright and that she was strong enough. She didn't want them to lose that belief. Hitomi knew that they would do just that if they saw her tears.

She knew that it was past visiting hours so no one else aside from the nurses and doctors were allowed inside her room. She knew that if they were the ones who saw her tears…they would understand and they wouldn't be telling her close friends and family.

For the first time since in months, Hitomi allowed herself to cry. She allowed her tears to come out. She allowed her emotions to overwhelm her. That night, she cried herself to sleep.

(to be continued…)

I'm reserving my comment on this chapter. Hehe. Anyway, thanks for those who sent in their reviews and also thank you for reading this far. As usual, please do press that little bottom down there and send in a review for this chapter. It will be very much be appreciated. Thanks.

Michiko


	13. Life Line

Chapter 13 Life line

The atmosphere in the waiting room was tense. Hitomi's grandmother, Yukari, Van, Folken, Allen, Millerna, and even Dryden was there. Hitomi had gone in a couple of hours back and there still wasn't any word from the OR. Millerna and Yukari had stationed themselves either side of Hitomi's grandmother.

Silence was there. The only sounds that were heard were coming from around them, the usual sounds in the hospital. It was becoming unbearable.

"Thank you, young ones, for being here for Hitomi. But it is alright. You can go back to work. I will quickly send word if I hear something." Hitomi's grandmother suddenly said.

"No, it's alright, Ma'am. Hitomi has become one of us. It would be hard for any of us to work not knowing how she is doing. I think we can all spare a day out of work to be here." Allen commented. The others gave a nod of agreement.

Hitomi's grandmother smiled. "Thank you. Well, in that case…you all worked with Hitomi, am I correct? Were you all aware of what was going on?"

"No, 'ba-chan," Yukari answered. "Well, I knew why she wanted to get a job but I didn't know that it has gotten really bad. Aside from me, no one else here knew. We all almost wouldn't have known the real extent of her ailment."

She smiled at the young woman's response. She shook her head too. "My granddaughter is really like that. That girl tries so hard even if it is almost next to impossible. She can really be stubborn."

"Yes. She is stubborn, alright." Van commented.

"Only when she thinks she is right." Folken added.

"I want to thank all of you personally for what you have done for my granddaughter." Every one looked back at her. "Giving her the opportunity to go to the graduation ball…when she told me that she wasn't going to go and I found out why…my heart broke because I know she wanted to go. She knew that it would be her final time being with her university friends so she wanted that final chance to go. But when we found out the costs…she was the first one to back out because that's how much she wants to live."

"Hitomi would never admit that openly. She would rather keep it and look at the bright side, making sure she wasn't going to regret it. But when all of you gave her that chance and made it a lot more special…thank you. You have made my granddaughter really happy. When she returned home that night, she smiled at me and said that she was ready for this operation. Now, she wasn't afraid and had already felt what it means to live."

XxXxXx

Folken got some coffee and handed it to Van. They were slightly away from the rest of the group. Van was overlooking a window.

"What are you thinking right now, little brother?" Folken said.

Van took a sip of the coffee before answering. "I've been wondering."

"About?"

"Hitomi."

"What about her?"

"I read her diary. The entries started from when she was in high school so I'm guessing it's her second diary or something. I realized that there are a lot of things that she is keeping from everyone…especially her fears and anxieties."

Van paused. Folken didn't say anything as he waited patiently for Van to continue. "How can she be so optimistic all the time? I mean…how can she keep smiling after everything she has been through and is going through? She's scared. Isn't it that she also has to right to let the world know that she feels frightened? She doesn't need to keep it all inside, does she?"

"Are you referring to her or are you talking about yourself?" Folken commented. He didn't need to think about what to answer him. He knew Van well enough.

"I'm not as optimistic as her. I will admit to that only to you. If you tell anybody, I'll completely deny it."

Folken smirked. "Listen, bro, I know what you mean. Let's just put it this way. Hitomi's way of coping is by looking at the bright side of things because given the limited time she has, she'd rather make use of her time being happy than sulking. Maybe the reason why she'd rather keep all the pain and fear inside of her is so that no one would treat her any differently. It's hard to be happy in an environment where people are so depressed and always looks at you as someone dying. As for you…you did the exact same thing. You kept all the pain you have after that incident inside. Your fear is that if you let anyone else see, that person might betray your trust again."

"And yet she taught me to trust her…" Van replied under his breath.

"I'm sorry. I didn't get that." Folken said.

"No. It's nothing." Van replied as he took the last of his coffee and headed back to the others. Folken smirked. He had a feeling this was going to happen.

XxXxXx

"Doctor! She's going into a fib." A nurse reported.

The surgeon immediately looked at the monitors and ordered to defibrillate. Her heart was given two-three shocks before its rhythm started to become normal again. It was a close call.

"Hang in there, Hitomi. Just a little more…" The surgeon whispered. He had had an opportunity to work with Hitomi in one of his operations. It was hard to imagine that she would be one of the operations now. Actually…every one of the staff inside that OR knew Hitomi as a nursing student. Now that she had graduated, she could be one of their colleagues not one of their patients. It was sort of hitting close to home.

XxXxXx

The time was slow. It was hard to wait. It seemed like time didn't want to move. Finally, they saw two surgeons on scrubs walk towards them. Their expressions unreadable aside from the signs of caring, due to years of practice. Anxiety filled the room higher than it had been.

"How is she?" Hitomi's grandmother asked, trying to keep her nerves to herself. She tried so hard to keep her voice even.

The doctor replied, "She is being transported to the ICU as we speak. She pulled through." Every one gave a sigh of relief. "But," Immediately all senses heightened again. "She almost didn't. There weren't much complications but cancer is a very treacherous disease. She almost died twice during surgery. Hitomi is strong and that is why she pulled through. Hopefully, she continues to get better. Right now, she is in the most critical stages of recovery. This is the period where anything could happen. This is going to be the hardest part and not simply the surgery." The doctor explained.

"She almost died…twice…" Her grandmother echoed. Her knees felt like jelly. She had to sit down. "But she is alright, now…right?"

The doctor knelt in front of her and smiled. "For now…yes. She is fine. She is resting. You may visit her but only for awhile. It won't be good for her to have too many visitors for a long period of time." He said. She could only nod back. The doctors excused themselves.

The news started to sink in and for the first time, she allowed her tears to come. She was so relieved that her granddaughter was finally getting better. Her heart wanted to leap out of her chest in relief and happiness. Hitomi was getting better. Hitomi was getting better. It was the only thing that kept repeating itself over and over again in her head. Yukari hugged her.

XxXxXx

The ICU ward had all the rooms made of glass. You can easily see through every room. It was made that way as for the nurses to keep a close watch on those patients there. The group decided that Hitomi's grandmother should be the one who should enter the room and that they would simply stay outside in the corridor.

The moment they saw Hitomi, they didn't know how to feel. She was unconscious. There were a lot of tubes attached to her. A machine was helping her breathe. There were a lot of monitors attached to her, monitoring every single vital organ she had and more.

Seeing her like that…her eyes closed…without a smile on her face…lying still in bed…it felt like a ton of bricks crashing down. Hitomi did a good job in down playing her condition that the gravity of her condition had just started to sink in to every one.

The elderly woman was made to wash her arms and put on a mask before putting on a hospital gown and allowed to enter the room. Hitomi's immune response was in critical state and her new bone marrow hadn't fully compensated for the long term effects of her leukemia yet. Every single precaution was being done to prevent any more complications in her recovery.

They watched as the elderly woman walked up to her granddaughter and hold her hand. Hitomi wasn't responding yet. Her grandmother seemed to be whispering comforting words to her but still she wasn't responding yet.

"I think we should call it a night." Dryden offered as he laid a hand on his wife's shoulder. She nodded. "We will visit again but for now, I think we should let her rest." He said.

"I think I'll be heading home too. I'm going to push for the publishing of Hitomi's book tomorrow. I'll keep you guys posted." Allen said as he followed Dryden and Millerna out.

Folken, Van and Yukari stood there looking into the room, not saying anything. Each had a lot of things going through their heads. Soon, they were joined by Hitomi's grandmother again. She knew very well that she couldn't stay too long with Hitomi. She needed her rest. She was about to say something when suddenly the monitor's inside Hitomi's room started to beep really loud.

Immediately, every thing was moving in fast forward. Every one was moving fast and the staff ushered them aside as they pulled on a cart and they quickly headed inside the room. Hitomi was crashing right before their eyes.

(to be continued…)

I'm leaving you guys with a short chapter and a cliff hanger. I'm reserving my comment. It had to happen trust me. Anyway, the next chapter is the last chapter. So I really hope that you'd stick around to read it. Thanks for reading this far though and extra thanks for those who actually took the time to send in a review for the previous chapters. Please do send in a review for this one. Thanks.

Michiko


	14. Writing Destiny

**SPECIAL MENTION AND THANKS TO:**

**REVIEWED: **abraxas, AmethystWings, chibimimi, darkraven1990, Eternal Eyes, fromconcentrate, Heaven Kasanami, Izumi, jen313j, Kahoko, kimmi0490, Lady Krisnel, Mystic Moon Empress, Poetrygirl98, skip0beat, Suils Saifir, talkstoangels77, The Moonspinner, thepinkmartini, yubima-chan,

**ADDED TO FAVS: **Devon Masterson-Bond, Eternal Eyes, fromconcentrate, jen313j, kimmi0490, nesshime, Poetrygirl98, Pretty Much A Big Deal, rouge-devi, swinth,

**ADDED TO ALERT: **AmethystWings, Arrienete, Blythe999, chibimimi, darkreaven1990, , enviousDangelM, Eternal Eyes, Heaven Kasanami, Kahoko, Kerrilea, kimmi0490, MidnightReader1, Mystic Moon Empress, Neily, Poetrygirl98, Pretty Much A Big Deal, ShadowDragon22, skip0beat, talkstoangels77, The Moonspinner, thepinkmartini, Utuu,

To those unnamed and not included at the special mention above, thanks as well. I wish you could have left something so that I could have thanked you properly. We can't do anything about that now but still I thank you so much! Well this is the final chapter and I'm kinda nostalgic hehe. I won't keep the A/N here long so that I won't like stall for the last part of the story. Please allow me to present to you the final chapter for Writing Destiny.

Michiko

Chapter 14 Writing Destiny

Hitomi was crashing right before their eyes. Hitomi's grandmother broke into tears. Her only family was being taken away from her. Yukari couldn't hide her tears anymore as she started to cry too. Folken felt a lump on his throat. He never thought he would witness something like that especially to someone whom he really could consider as a younger sister. Van wanted to look away but seemed frozen. The picture of the always smiling and strong Hitomi flashed inside his head. He couldn't believe that the girl lying on that bed crashing was the same girl he knew and started to care for.

Van's thoughts flashed back to three days ago when Hitomi entered the hospital. Yukari had asked him to be there…to help her accompany Hitomi to the hospital. He could remember Hitomi was still her usual smiling, happy-go-lucky self. He could remember her being so grateful that he was there to offer a ride…for simply being there.

Hitomi had chemo later that day to kill the remains of her diseased bone marrow so that it could be replaced with a new one. He could remember her being silent after the procedure. He could remember her being so sick…vomiting and was very nauseated but still she had the strength to smile back at him and reassure him that it was normal…everything was going to be fine.

For two days, Hitomi was kept in strict isolation as they waited for the chemo to wear off so that they could finally give her the bone marrow transplant. Not once did he hear her complain or see her pessimistic. It started to sink in that Hitomi was very fragile, a very delicate flower that needed saving. Now…seeing her crash…the hope that she ensured was slowly being taken away. He held on to it as tight as he could.

Everything was happening too fast that it seemed like it was happening in slow motion. As suddenly as it started, it seemed alright. The team left the room and approached them. The doctor on call approached Hitomi's grandmother. His face was unreadable.

"Hitomi is stable for now. She is still in a very critical state. We cannot say her status for now. We will know in a few days. Hopefully, her recovery goes smoothly." He said. With that, he excused himself.

XxXxXx

Van sat in front of his computer. He had a copy of Hitomi's manuscript beside him and her open diary. He was still in the process of finalizing the last chapter. For the past hour, he still hadn't gotten any work done. Seeing Hitomi crashing…almost dying in front of his eyes and him, everyone else around him powerless to help was something he couldn't get out of his mind. It wasn't supposed to be happening…especially not to Hitomi.

Writing the final chapter of her novel was more daunting than he had anticipated. He associated it to the fact that perhaps it was really hard because the gravity of the meaning of the entire thing. Van started reading through her journal once more. Flipping through the pages, an idea came to mind. He sat up immediately and started typing. He wasn't going to fail. He most certainly won't let her work go to waste.

XxXxXx

_Where am I? Am I dead? … I can't open my eyes. It's so bright though. Hmmm…ok…I have my eyes closed but still it's bright. I guess I am dead. _Hitomi started to move but her body would not respond. She wanted to know where she was. Her subconscious self was telling her that she was indeed dead but somehow…a part of her wanted to be sure. It seemed that the answer still wasn't complete.

Suddenly she could hear voices around her. She looked around but no one was there, simply the bright light. She told herself to remain calm and still and that was when she started to understand the words she was hearing. She couldn't help but smile when she finally recognized the voice.

XxXxXx

It's been a week since Hitomi went for the operation. She still hasn't woken up yet. They decided to take turns in being with her to give her grandmother a break. They knew that seeing her like that was crushing the elderly woman's heart. They knew that it was almost impossible for her to keep it together while seeing her only granddaughter, her only family like that.

Yukari was there. She held Hitomi's hand tight. This time, she decided to remain silent. She wanted her heart to speak to her best friend. What more could she say? It was hard seeing her like that. But Yukari had told herself that it was better if she remained calm instead of having her emotions overwhelm her again. It was getting tiring and it was going to do Hitomi no good if she kept crying.

She felt a soft hand on her shoulder. Yukari looked up and saw Van. He could see unshed tears in her eyes. He gave her a nod. Yukari forced a smile and stood and kissed Hitomi's forehead before letting her hand go. She then turned to Van, "She's still the same. Are you sure you're ok here for the night?"

"Yeah. I'll watch over her. Go home, Yukari, and get some rest." Van said. Yukari gave a nod and left.

Van took the seat that Yukari previously occupied. He pulled the seat closer to the bed. He then looked at Hitomi's face. She was in such peace and still it was painful seeing her bright eyes closed.

"Hey Hitomi, it's me." Van almost said in a whisper. "You know what, there are a lot of people who are waiting for you to open your eyes. I'm one of them so please…open your eyes and come back, Hitomi." He added. He wasn't the type who would vocalizing something like that but it seemed that now was the only chance he would ever get in somehow expressing his desire for her to come back. It was that now or never sort of thing.

He had already turned in the last chapter the day before. Folken had worked on editing it none stop and was now in the publishing house.

Van traced Hitomi from head down with his eyes. She was still on nasal cannula. A machine was still assisting her to breathe. In her other hand, she still had an IV line. Clear fluids were being transfused. A lot of wires were still attached to her. Van held her hand, not knowing how to take her pain away.

He gave her hand a squeeze. He suddenly felt a soft squeeze back. His head immediately shot up and looked at her. Nothing. She wasn't moving. Perhaps he had imagined her moving over and over again that his mind was now playing tricks on her. But he would not give up. He kept his eye on her. True enough, she started to stir every so slowly.

Hitomi's eyes opened slowly. He whispered her name and she turned to him lightly. Upon seeing him, she smiled. She tried to talk but no words came out. Van smiled at her. He was relieved to see her finally awake. "Shh. It's ok. Wait here, ok? I'll go and call the doctor." He said. Hitomi could only nod a little bit.

After what seemed like forever to her, the doctor finally finished his check up. It was so late in the evening, close to midnight that when Van told Hitomi that he would be calling the others up, she told him that it could wait until morning.

She was sitting in bed, back firmly against her inclined bed with Van sitting on a chair next to her. It was a little bit awkward for Van. He didn't quite know how to start a conversation with her. He wasn't sure why but he felt at a loss for what were the right things to say to her.

She seemed to have felt this as she broke the silence. "Thank you, Van."

"For what?"

"Well, for one thing…being here." She replied, smiling back at him.

Looking back at her smile, he couldn't help but smile too. He had missed seeing her smile like that. "You are welcome, Hitomi. I'm here. Why don't you rest? You need it to get better fester."

She did not argue with him. She knew that she needed to rest. She felt it too. With a nod, she closed her eyes, satisfied that she wasn't alone. She bid him a good night and allowed sleep to take hold of her again.

XxXxXx

It's been a week since Hitomi had woken up. With her health improving, she was transferred out of the ICU, getting ready to go home. While waiting in her room for her grandmother to fix all the paper work, Yukari, Van and Allen accompanied her.

Hitomi was sitting in a chair next to the window. She still looked a lot pale and weak. She looked so fragile. Yukari sat in front of her.

"How are you feeling, Hitomi?" She asked softly.

Hitomi looked at her and smiled. "I can't wait to get home. I just want to go home." She replied.

"You'll be home soon. We have a surprise for you." Yukari said, glancing at Allen and Van. Hitomi said nothing as she looked at her best friend questioningly. She didn't have the strength yet to keep asking.

Allen handed Hitomi a parcel. Before she could ask, Allen said, "Open it." Hitomi did as she was told. Upon removing the paper, the seemed confused at first why the book is a surprise. When her eyes reached the bottom and saw her name as the author, she looked back up at Allen and then at Yukari and Van. She didn't exactly know what to say. Was she dreaming? She must be, she told herself.

Yukari took the liberty of explaining. "When you gave me the manuscript, I read it and immediately I knew that it is something to be shared with other people. I didn't waste time consulting with Folken and the others. We arrived with the decision in having it published. Van took the liberty of finishing the final chapter using your words in your journal."

Hitomi listened and looked at the book…her book in her hands. She laid a hand on the cover and a tear rolled down her cheek. It was overwhelming. What they did for her was something surreal. She wasn't expecting much in return but what they gave her was so much that it almost felt like a dream…a dream she didn't wish to end. "Thank you…" She almost said in a whisper.

XxXxXx

_This day…holding the book in my hands…they somehow gave me this hope. I now believe that no matter what happens next, I know I did not live in vain. I will leave something for those left behind that could possibly help them in their own journey. I read the final chapter. Van did an excellent job. I knew he would…but to use my words…it brought this feeling that was more me than him. Still…I doubt I would have been able to end it the way he did. He made it in such a way that the ending was the beginning, the very thing I was going for._

_I've read his work ever since and he has come a long way. His words create this intense beauty that touches your heart gently. He has indeed come very far. He has asked me to work with him as his editor again while I am still recovering from this illness when I told him that I was thinking of finding a job that I could do at home while waiting it out. At first I didn't like the idea because…well you know all too well my experience working with him but everyone seemed to like the idea and after much thought, agreed. _

_Van gave me my life back. He taught me to live. He says that it's the other way around but I would always beg to differ. He gave me so much without even knowing it. He made me grow and now I know that I am not alone in this struggle of mine. _

_Van. Van Slanzar de Fanel, one of the most sought alter bachelors in all of Japan…who would have thought that our paths would cross like this and he would be one of the people responsible in keeping my faith in life? Who would have thought that I'd learn to let him in and start caring for him as a friend? Who would have thought that we'd get to know each other and he would actually let me see who he really is? Yeah. He is nothing like what the media says about him. He's much more than that. He's an amazing person with an amazing talent but lately when he's with me…he's simply Van, a caring man who would do anything to protect you. _

_I hope you liked reading my story. This is my story that I share now with you. I don't know if you will be able to get something out of it but I made this humble story based on my life so that somehow when you look into yours, no matter what you are facing or the problems that you have, may you believe that you can over come it. Live without regrets. With that, now I am free._

_Van was right. He gave my book a title, which you are now reading, "Writing Destiny". He said that we write our own destinies. I believe it now more than ever. I hope you will too._

_Hitomi_

THE END

**A/N: Hmm…I wrote this to honor those who have survived cancer, are battling cancer and who have passed because of it. This is a story close to my heart because I have lost loved ones to it. I dedicate it to them and all families who are going/ went through the fight for cancer. **

**Please send in a review to let me know what you think. Thanks for reading this humble fic of mine. It was real. Thank you so, so much! **

**Michiko**

XxXxXx

A year has passed since Hitomi under went a bone marrow transplant. Van pulled the car over at the side of the beach and opened the door. He helped Hitomi out of the car. Hand in hand, he led her to the very spot she showed him a year back, her favorite spot in the entire world to simply get away. The pace was slow and stead with him ever watchful and conscious of her. It was the first time Hitomi was allowed to leave the house aside from going in for therapy by her doctor. Her new bone marrow was finally stable, producing enough of her needed formed elements to protect her body.

Hitomi couldn't help but smile. She had missed this place. She had missed going out. Feeling the wind in her hair again…it was one of life's priceless moments. Due to chemo and treatment, she had lost much and now with her hair at shoulder length, she knew she had already come far.

"Thank you, Van." She said. He smiled and stood next to her.

"You're welcome, Hitomi."

"Thank you so much, especially for saving my life." She turned to him and quickly added, "I know you were the one who paid for my operation…for my hospital stay…for every single session of my treatment. You were here by my side through everything, especially during the painful therapy sessions. You gave me my life back and for that I don't think I could ever repay you."

Van was taken aback. He didn't see that coming. He smiled softly at her and said, "You don't have to do anything, Hitomi. Don't think of it as if you own me with your life. It is a small thing compared to what you have shown me. If it makes you feel better, let's call it even."

Hitomi couldn't help but laugh a little bit. Somehow she understood what he was trying to tell her. She knew that it was awkward for him to actually say those kinds of things so she let it be.

Hearing her melodious laugher made Van feel lighter. He finally understood everything. He knew that it wasn't a one-way thing. They both gained a lot from each other. By some twist of fate, they both ended up giving each other their way back to living.

"Thank you, Hitomi." Van whispered. She smiled back at him. He brought his hand to her cheek and she leaned on his touch.

After months of trying to convince himself otherwise, Van couldn't resist his feelings any longer. He leaned forward and gave her one of the gentlest kisses ever. It was out of his character but it felt right. He didn't even feel her surprise but rather her shyness. Both were tentative but when she gave him a smile, with a blush on her cheeks, he smiled back and kissed her again. This time, she returned his kiss and it grew deeper. He drew her close to him, careful at not to overdo it and hurt her.

Hitomi rested her head on his strong chest, listening to his heartbeat. She felt safe with him. Having his arms around her, protecting her, it made her feel a little bit more grateful to be alive. She didn't want to be any where else but right where she was. Van felt the same way.

_Fin_

**A/N: gave you guys an extra scene hehe ^_^ I avoided using the words 'I love you' for this story ^_^ I didn't want it to be too much and well, sometimes you don't need to say it out loud to know that you are loved coz you just feel it ^_^ hope you guys liked it ^_^ I'm a sucker for happy endings too you know besides the topic of 'cancer' is a little heavy I wanted to leave you guys on a light note ^_^ thanks for reading ^_^**

**Michiko**


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